Do you need more internet stupidity? We give you: Craigslist Failures!
September 2010
Without our readers Team Struggle would be very lost. They email in questions for 5 Questions. They shame their friends and send us Facebook Offenders. Most of them email us pleasantries. Some of them tell us we suck. On two occasions, females have emailed in pictures of their titties (a tradition we need to keep going). We LOVE getting your emails. This website is a team sport.
So today we debut a great segment inspired by a reader email. I give you: Craigslist Failures!!!
Don't forget to leave your comments at the bottom!
So today we debut a great segment inspired by a reader email. I give you: Craigslist Failures!!!
Don't forget to leave your comments at the bottom!
Submitted by Team Struggle
The Struggle Bus 2010 ©
The Struggle Bus 2010 ©
Eric Prae
Jenn B.
This page has all the Craigslist Failures from September 2010. To see all other months check out:
Get Involved Tab
Get Involved Tab
Craigslist Failure: Teach Me How to Kiss
posted 9/24/10
Today’s Craigslist Failure comes from Joe in Tampa. He writes:
Team Struggle! I LOVE Craigslist Failures. Here is a good one:
Teach me how to kiss - w4m
Date: 2009-12-13, 4:44PM EST
I need a guy to teach me how to kiss. Ideally, it shouldn’t last longer than five minutes, seeing as how most guys creep me the fuck out. I’ll give you five dollars, so it’ll be like earning a dollar a minute. Think about it, there’s a recession going on. Who wouldn’t want five dollars in times like these? If money doesn’t appeal to you, I’d be more than happy to do your homework for you (I’m Asian).
I prefer a guy who doesn’t have bad breath, open sores, or a mental disorder. Also, it’d be nice if you’re not a geriatric (30+ yrs) or jailbait (-18 yrs).
Just a warning, there’s a strong possibility that I may run away mid-kiss. Please don’t take offense, and you can keep the five dollars.
Please respond with a picture, I want to make sure you don’t have any lesions or swollen lymph nodes.
:)
Jenn B: I can't focus right now, because all I hear in my head is "Teach me how to kissy, teach me, teach me how to kissy"
This chick's dating future doesn't look to promising, so I don't think she should be so picky about guys with or without lesions/herpes.
Eric Prae: 30 is geriatric? Shit I’m 28! I also prefer a guy without bad breath and open sores, but don’t be so hard on people with mental disorders lady. They make good comedy writers.
Thanks for the submission Joe!
Team Struggle! I LOVE Craigslist Failures. Here is a good one:
Teach me how to kiss - w4m
Date: 2009-12-13, 4:44PM EST
I need a guy to teach me how to kiss. Ideally, it shouldn’t last longer than five minutes, seeing as how most guys creep me the fuck out. I’ll give you five dollars, so it’ll be like earning a dollar a minute. Think about it, there’s a recession going on. Who wouldn’t want five dollars in times like these? If money doesn’t appeal to you, I’d be more than happy to do your homework for you (I’m Asian).
I prefer a guy who doesn’t have bad breath, open sores, or a mental disorder. Also, it’d be nice if you’re not a geriatric (30+ yrs) or jailbait (-18 yrs).
Just a warning, there’s a strong possibility that I may run away mid-kiss. Please don’t take offense, and you can keep the five dollars.
Please respond with a picture, I want to make sure you don’t have any lesions or swollen lymph nodes.
:)
- Location: Virginia Beach
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Jenn B: I can't focus right now, because all I hear in my head is "Teach me how to kissy, teach me, teach me how to kissy"
This chick's dating future doesn't look to promising, so I don't think she should be so picky about guys with or without lesions/herpes.
Eric Prae: 30 is geriatric? Shit I’m 28! I also prefer a guy without bad breath and open sores, but don’t be so hard on people with mental disorders lady. They make good comedy writers.
Thanks for the submission Joe!
Craigslist Failure: Ford Focus for Sale
posted 9/14/10
Today’s Craigslist Failure comes from Bryan in NY. He writes:
Team Struggle, I found a “Struggle Bus” for you to drive. Just needs a little work!
2002 Ford Focus SE Wagon
Date: 2010-01-20, 1:14PM EST
2002 Ford Focus Station Wagon. In nice shape overall, miles are high (about 180k). Was used as a delivery vehicle for medical diagnostic company, transporting urine and blood samples mainly. Unfortunately some of the samples (a rather substantial amount) spilled in the cargo area and the car does smell a bit of wee. I have tried Febreeze, but I cannot get the smell of wee out of the car, so I typically drive with the windows down and you may want to do the same. Either that, or replace the cargo area carpet and the rear seatback (splash from the spillage went on the rear seatback). Other than that, the car drives fine. Will probably need brakes and tires soon. Also, radio only pulls in AM stations.
***UPDATE: A GUY CAME OUT TO LOOK AT THE CAR LAST NIGHT AND TOOK IT FOR A TEST DRIVE. DURING THE TEST DRIVE, HE WAS APPARENTLY NAUSEATED BY THE SMELL AND VOMITED A LITTLE IN THE CAR. SO NOW IT SMELLS OF WEE AND A LITTLE BIT LIKE VOMIT.***
Jenn B.: Listen, I am in the market for a new car. But, what color is the car? That's going to be the deal breaker for me.
Eric Prae: Who is scared of a little pee and blood? That’s just how you break a car in. Before the Struggle Bus buys this, I need to hear a lot more about the sound system. Road trip anyone?
Thanks for the submission Bryan.
Team Struggle, I found a “Struggle Bus” for you to drive. Just needs a little work!
2002 Ford Focus SE Wagon
Date: 2010-01-20, 1:14PM EST
2002 Ford Focus Station Wagon. In nice shape overall, miles are high (about 180k). Was used as a delivery vehicle for medical diagnostic company, transporting urine and blood samples mainly. Unfortunately some of the samples (a rather substantial amount) spilled in the cargo area and the car does smell a bit of wee. I have tried Febreeze, but I cannot get the smell of wee out of the car, so I typically drive with the windows down and you may want to do the same. Either that, or replace the cargo area carpet and the rear seatback (splash from the spillage went on the rear seatback). Other than that, the car drives fine. Will probably need brakes and tires soon. Also, radio only pulls in AM stations.
***UPDATE: A GUY CAME OUT TO LOOK AT THE CAR LAST NIGHT AND TOOK IT FOR A TEST DRIVE. DURING THE TEST DRIVE, HE WAS APPARENTLY NAUSEATED BY THE SMELL AND VOMITED A LITTLE IN THE CAR. SO NOW IT SMELLS OF WEE AND A LITTLE BIT LIKE VOMIT.***
- Location: Auburn Hills
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Jenn B.: Listen, I am in the market for a new car. But, what color is the car? That's going to be the deal breaker for me.
Eric Prae: Who is scared of a little pee and blood? That’s just how you break a car in. Before the Struggle Bus buys this, I need to hear a lot more about the sound system. Road trip anyone?
Thanks for the submission Bryan.
Craigslist Failure: Used Septic Tank
posted 9/8/10
Today’s Craigslist failure comes again from Aaron C. in Syracuse, NY. Our “King of Craigslist” writes:
Hey guys,
I found another special friend here that really wants to help out someone. It's free and anyone can have it with just a little hard work on their part. Check it out.
Used septic tank - poly 1000 gals (jamesville)
Date: 2010-09-07, 7:05PM EDT
For FREE one used 1000 gal. blue poly septic tank.
The tank has only been used for 2 yrs and is in excellent condition.
YOU WILL NEED TO PUMP IT OUT AND DIG IT UP.
It is still in the ground. It has been disconnected from use 2 years ago.
No pictures available it is still in the ground.
Great deal if someone can pump it out and dig it up.
Thanks for looking
· Location: jamesville
· it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1941861686
Eric Prae: So all I have to do is dig up a 1000 gal tank of shit-water, and then pump said shit-water out of the tank, all so I can have a free shit-water holding tank?
Did you notice that this Craigslist Post comes from my hometown?
My first thought was: holy crap, I hope it wasn’t my dad that posted it!
Second Thought: NO WAY my dad knows how to use a computer.
Jenn B.: Really? A tank that has had rotting feces in it for the past two years? Sure, right after I dig it up, I'm going to go swim in Onondaga Lake to clean up (all my 'Cuse readers know about that, and for everyone else: Google that lake)
This WOULD be from Jamesville... Eric how's that lookin’ for ya? Town of Shit-water tanks and Gingers... Awesome. Just the type of place I want to vacation.
Thanks for the submission Aaron!
Hey guys,
I found another special friend here that really wants to help out someone. It's free and anyone can have it with just a little hard work on their part. Check it out.
Used septic tank - poly 1000 gals (jamesville)
Date: 2010-09-07, 7:05PM EDT
For FREE one used 1000 gal. blue poly septic tank.
The tank has only been used for 2 yrs and is in excellent condition.
YOU WILL NEED TO PUMP IT OUT AND DIG IT UP.
It is still in the ground. It has been disconnected from use 2 years ago.
No pictures available it is still in the ground.
Great deal if someone can pump it out and dig it up.
Thanks for looking
· Location: jamesville
· it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1941861686
Eric Prae: So all I have to do is dig up a 1000 gal tank of shit-water, and then pump said shit-water out of the tank, all so I can have a free shit-water holding tank?
Did you notice that this Craigslist Post comes from my hometown?
My first thought was: holy crap, I hope it wasn’t my dad that posted it!
Second Thought: NO WAY my dad knows how to use a computer.
Jenn B.: Really? A tank that has had rotting feces in it for the past two years? Sure, right after I dig it up, I'm going to go swim in Onondaga Lake to clean up (all my 'Cuse readers know about that, and for everyone else: Google that lake)
This WOULD be from Jamesville... Eric how's that lookin’ for ya? Town of Shit-water tanks and Gingers... Awesome. Just the type of place I want to vacation.
Thanks for the submission Aaron!
Craigslist Failures: Cheating with an XBOX
posted 9/2/10
Today’s Craigslist Failure comes from Joey in Tampa. He writes:
Team Struggle: This Craigslist post just about sums up my roommates life, he’s a tool!
My guy is Cheating on me with X-Box 360
Date: 2009-11-27, 11:36PM PST
Ok, I know I'm not perfect. Nobody is. But seriously, I try really hard to be a good girl-friend. I don't send endless, paranoid texts messages to Mr. Guy (as I will refer to him), will try anything in bed - seriously, I've never said no to anything with him, and I have never mentioned "meeting the parents," "our future" or even said, "Could you help me with my car?" Nada. I almost always insist on us paying our own way at dinner or movie - look, we're both broke and I'm not looking for handouts. Plus? I HATE chic-flicks more than any guy, so as a girl friend? I would say I am above average.
Yet, despite all this, Mr. Guy decided to break the bond we shared once X-Box 360 moved into his roommate's house. Suddenly, lying in bed at midnight, I'm thinking he's going to go in for the kiss, but NO! He whispers in my ear, "One more round of Modern Warfare and I'll be back up. You just rest here."
I wake up alone hours later, sneak downstairs and find him making violent thumb war love to the X Box controls, rapidly touching that controller in a way he never did me - super sensitively, but with a firm control. ARG! Screw you, X Box 360 WHORE!
At first I thought, a couple weeks and the fascination will end. It's a new toy, he is a BOY, and... it's Seattle. I think the term "geek-out" came about because it's ATMOSPHERIC here.
Yet, here we are. It's been more than a couple of weeks. No end in sight. He's played over eight, nine, ten plus HOURS straight. I try to be a good sport, really. I've played a couple games (terribly) but after the first week, his skills became so advanced that now I am merely "invited" over to watch him play. No more chatting in coffee shops, no more drinks on the hill, no more.... sex. It's gone. If I happen to bump into Mr. Guy during the day and ask him what he's doing that night, he says he has to "be somewhere."
That "somewhere" is in his living room playing "live" with all his other buddies with X-Box 360.
Oh wait, though, he's not ashamed of this affair. He strides in to tell me what new level he's made it with. How far and how much he can "score" with X Box 360.
His facebook status? Is? A reflection of how he's doing on X Box 360. If X Box 360 is being moody and he can't impress X Box 360 enough to get to the next level... well, he suddenly is "pondering the meaning of life." He got to the next level? His facebook status is "life is awesome and everybody who doesn't savor every moment...." blah, blah, blah.
Look, mr. Guy. If you put even half the amount of time into ANYTHING else other than X Box 360 - you know those dreams you had about making it big? YOU'D BE THERE BY NOW!
I know there is no going back to the way we were before. I've seen it takeover the lives of my brothers, my brother's friends, Mr. Guy's friends.... I can't compete. It doesn't matter what lingerie I wear. This is the end. X Box 360 has worked her bitchy charms and you have fallen. I am only human, and apparently, so are you.
Jenn B.: I really hope she has broke up with him already. I don't even consider guys who play video games. I think that comes up in conversation within the first few minutes of conversation, right behind "how big is your..."
Eric Prae: Sounds like this guy is a Craigslist Failure and a Facebook Offender! Seattle is a great city lady! Get out and meet someone new. Your current boyfriend won’t even notice.
Team Struggle: This Craigslist post just about sums up my roommates life, he’s a tool!
My guy is Cheating on me with X-Box 360
Date: 2009-11-27, 11:36PM PST
Ok, I know I'm not perfect. Nobody is. But seriously, I try really hard to be a good girl-friend. I don't send endless, paranoid texts messages to Mr. Guy (as I will refer to him), will try anything in bed - seriously, I've never said no to anything with him, and I have never mentioned "meeting the parents," "our future" or even said, "Could you help me with my car?" Nada. I almost always insist on us paying our own way at dinner or movie - look, we're both broke and I'm not looking for handouts. Plus? I HATE chic-flicks more than any guy, so as a girl friend? I would say I am above average.
Yet, despite all this, Mr. Guy decided to break the bond we shared once X-Box 360 moved into his roommate's house. Suddenly, lying in bed at midnight, I'm thinking he's going to go in for the kiss, but NO! He whispers in my ear, "One more round of Modern Warfare and I'll be back up. You just rest here."
I wake up alone hours later, sneak downstairs and find him making violent thumb war love to the X Box controls, rapidly touching that controller in a way he never did me - super sensitively, but with a firm control. ARG! Screw you, X Box 360 WHORE!
At first I thought, a couple weeks and the fascination will end. It's a new toy, he is a BOY, and... it's Seattle. I think the term "geek-out" came about because it's ATMOSPHERIC here.
Yet, here we are. It's been more than a couple of weeks. No end in sight. He's played over eight, nine, ten plus HOURS straight. I try to be a good sport, really. I've played a couple games (terribly) but after the first week, his skills became so advanced that now I am merely "invited" over to watch him play. No more chatting in coffee shops, no more drinks on the hill, no more.... sex. It's gone. If I happen to bump into Mr. Guy during the day and ask him what he's doing that night, he says he has to "be somewhere."
That "somewhere" is in his living room playing "live" with all his other buddies with X-Box 360.
Oh wait, though, he's not ashamed of this affair. He strides in to tell me what new level he's made it with. How far and how much he can "score" with X Box 360.
His facebook status? Is? A reflection of how he's doing on X Box 360. If X Box 360 is being moody and he can't impress X Box 360 enough to get to the next level... well, he suddenly is "pondering the meaning of life." He got to the next level? His facebook status is "life is awesome and everybody who doesn't savor every moment...." blah, blah, blah.
Look, mr. Guy. If you put even half the amount of time into ANYTHING else other than X Box 360 - you know those dreams you had about making it big? YOU'D BE THERE BY NOW!
I know there is no going back to the way we were before. I've seen it takeover the lives of my brothers, my brother's friends, Mr. Guy's friends.... I can't compete. It doesn't matter what lingerie I wear. This is the end. X Box 360 has worked her bitchy charms and you have fallen. I am only human, and apparently, so are you.
- Location: Seattle
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Jenn B.: I really hope she has broke up with him already. I don't even consider guys who play video games. I think that comes up in conversation within the first few minutes of conversation, right behind "how big is your..."
Eric Prae: Sounds like this guy is a Craigslist Failure and a Facebook Offender! Seattle is a great city lady! Get out and meet someone new. Your current boyfriend won’t even notice.
HTML Comment Box is loading comments...