Today’s Facebook Offender comes from Malcolm in Tampa.  He writes:

Team Struggle- I’m not that into Facebook, I have a page but only like a hundred friends.  I just think the while social networking thing is stupid.  Plus my niece is a teenager and on Facebook, so now I feel really old.  The only thing that actually makes me feel good about Facebook is your website, and reading others stupidity.  Then I came across this little gem and thought I would send it in.

One of my old high school friends must have gotten engaged or married or whatever in the 100 years since we graduated.  She finally decided to update it on Facebook, here are the posts:

Female Friend is “married”!

Random Friend:  You have been married for 2 years.  Why is this news?

Female Friend:  Because this douche bag named Matt keeps hitting on me!

Female Friend:  ATTENTION WORLD (especially guys named Matt) I AM MARRIED STOP HITTING ON ME

Random Friend 2:  LOL!  I just went to your friends and looked up all the Matt’s.  I think I know who it is

Female Friend:  No need, it is Matt *********

Random Friend 2: LOL!

Female Friend:  I load this stupid Facebook page with happy pictures of me, my hubby and my family.  He needs to get the hint.

* 2 Days Later *

Female Friend:  My stalker Matt de-friended me. 

 

Eric Prae:  So THAT is how you get people to de-friend you?  Why does no one hit on me through Facebook?

Jenn B:  No one ever knows if I'm really in a relationship or if it's my boredom's blatant  attempt at getting attention, because I like to go through full-life cycle relationships (starting out single on Monday, and widowed by Friday) just for shits and giggles. 

So, one day when I actually do get married (poor, poor guy), no one on Facebook will believe me or congratulate me.

Thanks for the Submission Malcolm!


 

Unfortunately the Struggle Bus is having a sick day.  I am gross and disgusting today, but I promise a new story on Tuesday!  Today’s Facebook Offender comes from Jeff in St. Pete.  He writes:

Team Struggle:  My friend (Sgt. TMI) lives his life online and his Facebook posts tend to give out too much information.  Then a lot of cheesy people always comment.  It’s kind of funny:

Sgt TMI:  Yesterday playing roller hockey I got hit in the balls and my testicles are swollen.  Ouch!

Random Commenter:  OMG U OK?

Random Commenter 2:  Which one?

Random Commenter 3:  That happened to my boyfriend (censored) once, he had to go see a specialist

Sgt TMI:  The right one it really hurts FML

Random commenter 4:  I’m sooo sorry

Sgt TMI:  It’s OK I am icing

Jeff:  HAHAHAHAHA

Eric Prae:  “Which one?” is up there as one of the best random Facebook comments of all time.  Then Random Commenter 3 blew up her boyfriends spot for no reason.  This is definitely too much information, yet perfect for the Struggle Bus!  Thanks for the submission Jeff!


 

If you missed the beginning of Crazy Girl, check out the Facebook Offenders of September.  Part 2 is below.

In part 1 of Crazy girls epic rants, we took an in depth look at her poetry.  In part 2, we studied her love life.  So for the third installment of Crazy Girl, we will just let her be certifiably crazy.  It will be the crescendo of Crazy Girl.  The climax of her online wonderfulness!  Maybe she will be like our friend Romeo and become a staple of Team Struggle’s Facebook Offenders, coming back every so often as a constant reminder that social networking is truly stupid.  Maybe she will just drift away from us and keep torturing her current Facebook friends.  Either way, enjoy:

 
Crazy Girl: Good Morning, everyone! Don't know about you all... But, I am ready to play today! Just remember... "Maybe it's me, not you, who plays the game. But, my game reflects the innocence of angels in flight." ~Crazy Girl~

Crazy Girl: ‎"Snowflakes fall to my face. I see thru... Crystals of warmth & kindness come into my eyes... Shimmers of sensitivity & grace on the tips of angel's wings... Glittering & Glistening in the night... I am the Pretty Moon." ~Crazy Girl~

Crazy Girl: ‎"Praying for the eternal awakening; Keeps me awake until sunrise. Hoping for a beam of peace; Wave of everlasting love. To shine unrelentlessly on the nightmare in the sky; Soothe the aching cry of birds at flight. To wash away the bleeding hands of might; Lift the heavens back to its ethereal throne in the clouds." ~Crazy Girl~

Crazy Girl: ‎"Fierce as Black Panthers of Night. Soft as White Tigers of Light. Rough as Rocks on Ledge of Death. Smooth as Silk on Fabric of Life. Paradoxical illusions Flicker. Endless Daydreams Sparkle. Wishing for End to Come Near. Longing for Birth to Appear." ~Crazy Girl~

Crazy Girl: "Time heals the wounds of love... Time reveals the strength of love... Time carries the surprises of love... Dreaming & dreaming will I always be... Wishing & wishing will I always be... For the sweet & blessed love that my heart desires." ~Crazy Girl~

Crazy Girl: how i love a summer storm... "I gaze upon thy midnight sky. And wish to God my love to fly. Angel's fire lifts me higher. Fairy dust is a must. Thunder and lightening beat the earth. But I see beauty come to birth." ~Crazy Girl~

Crazy Girl: Loves the sweet scent in the air before a summer rain. Creativity flowing. Champagne cocktail. Candles lit. City Sky. I write. "If you want, I'll show you my footprints In floating clouds of light & love. All you have to do Is ask. Sensuous... passionate... romantic. Blazing deep within my heart. Thoughts of love. Run ...thru my body. Like Red-hot infernos Of Fire & Flame." ~Crazy Girl

Crazy Girl: wishing... dreaming... hoping... that's all i can do... action has failed me... it's time to pray & believe in miracles again...

 

Eric Prae:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  My favorite lines are: “Fierce as Black Panthers of Night. Soft as White Tigers of Light” and “Paradoxical illusions Flicker”.  Just outstanding.  I don’t do drugs, but whatever she is smoking, I want some.

Crazy Girl is wishing, dreaming and hoping for miracles.  I just wish, dream and hope that she never friend requests me.


 

If you missed the beginning of Crazy Girl, check out last months Facebook Offenders in the Story Vault.

So last week Alexis from D.C. sent us a GREAT Facebook Offender!  It seems that an old college roommate (Crazy Girl) is showing off her lack of mental sanity on her social networking page for the world to enjoy.  Here is part 2 of Crazy Girl’s rants (if you missed part 1, see below).  Today we will focus on her relationships!

First the sorrow of a love lost! 

Crazy Girl: tonight, i am letting go of the man i feel so deeply in love with 4 months ago. love is a tricky thing in life. it feels so real in the moment. but, as time passes by, you realize that love is a fickle thing. do i love him? yes. but, i want the love i give to him be the love i receive in return. & i'll wait a lifetime ...for the one i love to love me in return. i'll never settle for anything else. that's just who i am.

Crazy Girl: I honestly thought he was the man i was going to marry & live happily ever after with... but, i guess not all fairy tales come true... But, I still believe in love & romance & magic... I know the right man is waiting for me... & one day... it'll happen! i just got to be patient & have faith in god... because one day... my true love will find me... Lots of love & hugs!!! XOXO

Random Friend 1: Crazy Girl, the way I look at, its his damn loss, he will miss out on, what would've been the best love he could've gotten, because sweetie you are a phenominal, strong, independant women capable of giving sooo much love. Keep ur head up and remember what I told u, the best is yet to come! Weeping may endure for night but joy comes in the morning! Love ya girl!

Crazy Girl: But you'd be sooo proud of me! Earlier this week, I made a decision to stop talking to the boy completely! It's hard enough to see him @ work every day, but being friends on facebook & texting is such a tease for me! I know he loves me, but until he gets his s*** together, no crazy girl for him! I deleted him as my facebook friend & stopped texting him all together! I am doing my thing from now on! Hooray!!! Hope you have a fabulous weekend. XOXOXO

Random Friend 2: You are such a girly girl.

Crazy Girl: sweet dreams to this little cinderella tonight... my heart is laced with patience & grace... it carries me across the sea of sadness... into a realm of peace & hope... with the wings of love floating me above the clouds into a starburst of faithful bliss...

 

So sad, but maybe a new love is in the air? 

 

Crazy Girl: getting all sweet & sexy for my 1st date tonite with a new boy! woohoo! wish me luck!!!

Random Friend 3: How did it go??

Crazy Girl: fabulous 1st date... but, my heart still loves another man... what am i going to do???

Crazy Girl: deep in thought this morning... a new romance is on the horizon... am i ready to take the plunge again?... after the fall of the last love?... or, do i just be me for awhile?... *sigh* this little honey bee needs a moment to sort out the elements in my heart & head... *double sigh*

Crazy Girl: Feeling fierce & fiesty! Why do men think they hold the cards to a relationship? It’s the woman who holds the key to unlocking the magic & mystery of love. I want a man who is comfortable & secure enough in his masculinity to be with a woman who calls the shots, & then, respects, admires, & adores her, bc she has the... strength, confidence, & self-assurance to stand up for what is right for her. That’s just me!

 

*double sigh*   

 

Crazy Girl is in a relationship and it's complicated. 

Crazy Girl: the Queen Bee is back & my throne awaits me! XOXO

 

Eric Prae:  Big winner of the day:  “the man i feel so deeply in love with 4 months ago”, who got away from this crazy person before she killed him.

Big Loser of the Day:  “1st date tonite with a new boy”.  I pity that guy.

Also, why don’t people use spell check?

Jenn B.:  I seriously think this girl is unstable.  I wish she would write in questions to my new column for relationship advice.  The only advice that I think I could give her would just be to stop.  Stop the crazy.  Stop the Facebook posts.  Stop the poetry.  Stop it all.  Just stop.

 And, when she says "the Queen Bee is back and my throne awaits me!", does she mean "toilet?"  Is that the throne she refers to, because if it is, I am pretty sure she found a place to put all that bullSHIT that is spilling all over her Facebook wall...

 

Thanks for the submission Alexis!