Do you need more internet stupidity? We give you: Craigslist Failures!
October 2010
Without our readers Team Struggle would be very lost. They email in questions for 5 Questions. They shame their friends and send us Facebook Offenders. Most of them email us pleasantries. Some of them tell us we suck. On two occasions, females have emailed in pictures of their titties (a tradition we need to keep going). We LOVE getting your emails. This website is a team sport.
So today we debut a great segment inspired by a reader email. I give you: Craigslist Failures!!!
Don't forget to leave your comments at the bottom!
So today we debut a great segment inspired by a reader email. I give you: Craigslist Failures!!!
Don't forget to leave your comments at the bottom!
Submitted by Team Struggle
The Struggle Bus 2010 ©
The Struggle Bus 2010 ©
Eric Prae
Jenn B.
This page has all the Craigslist Failures from October 2010. To see all other months check out:
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Craigslist Failure: To the Beautiful Lady Who Saw Me Pooping
posted 10/26/10
I have no idea who sent in today’s Craigslist Failure because they didn’t leave any commentary or name. They just sent it in. The email had a name and some numbers in it, so if you want credit let us know! But thank you for the submission, it is really funny:
to the beautiful lady who saw me pooping - m4w
Date: 2009-11-13, 10:38PM EST
Me: Taking a huge poop in the l5p pizza bathroom.
You: Drunk, beautiful, Discovered that I forgot to lock the door in my haste.
Look, I know it must have been awkward for you to see me in that state, and especially since it didnt seem to bother me that you walked in. We made eye contact for a brief moment, you have the most beautiful brown eyes (no pun intended). I said "hey beautiful lady" right as you slammed the door, and i meant it. Everyone poops, and now that you have seen me pooping, I feel like we have already moved our relationship to a higher level. If you read this, and feel the same way, respond... I hope the smell didnt offend you, I ate indian food for lunch..
Eric Prae: Yes, everyone does poop. Most people don’t try to get a date out of it. Luckily the smell or the Craigslist post didn’t offend us here at the Struggle Bus, but I don’t think this moved our relationship to a new level. Unless it is a new low level…
to the beautiful lady who saw me pooping - m4w
Date: 2009-11-13, 10:38PM EST
Me: Taking a huge poop in the l5p pizza bathroom.
You: Drunk, beautiful, Discovered that I forgot to lock the door in my haste.
Look, I know it must have been awkward for you to see me in that state, and especially since it didnt seem to bother me that you walked in. We made eye contact for a brief moment, you have the most beautiful brown eyes (no pun intended). I said "hey beautiful lady" right as you slammed the door, and i meant it. Everyone poops, and now that you have seen me pooping, I feel like we have already moved our relationship to a higher level. If you read this, and feel the same way, respond... I hope the smell didnt offend you, I ate indian food for lunch..
- Location: l5p
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Eric Prae: Yes, everyone does poop. Most people don’t try to get a date out of it. Luckily the smell or the Craigslist post didn’t offend us here at the Struggle Bus, but I don’t think this moved our relationship to a new level. Unless it is a new low level…
Craigslist Failure: Take a Porn Star to a Hockey Game!
posted 10/21/10
Today’s Craigslist Failure comes from Bryce in St. Pete. He writes:
Team Struggle: I saw this on Craigslist and instantly thought of you. Now I feel weird and dirty…
Take Adult Star Katie Michaels to see Rangers vs. Coyotes Saturday!!!
Date: 2010-01-29, 5:50PM MST
Hi I am THE Katie Michaels as seen in Hustler's barely Legal 100 and other fine adult films. I recently attended a Cardinals playoff game with a happy football fan and now you have the chance to take me to see the Rangers Saturday night to play against our Phoenix Coyotes. Yes it stinks that Carcillo got traded but look at how good we are doing without Gretzky behind the bench! Anyways, if you would like to see the game with me I have two lower level seats (one for me one for you) and for $500 we will both go and have a great time. Check me out on www.**********.net (this was WAY too dirty not to censor, sorry) and hit me up with your phone number by replying to this posting so that I can make the necessary arrangements. First fan gets to have me and since there is only one of me don't wait.
Eric Prae: Hi! I am THE Eric Prae as seen on the Struggle Bus and the Tampa Improv. This chick wants me to pay her $500 to sit at a Hockey game? The $500 includes something more, right? Jenn, weren’t you also in Hustler’s Barely Legal and some other "fine adult films"?
Attention Struggle Bus fans: I will take you to a Hockey game and tell jokes the whole time for only $400! The discount is because of Tampa’s crappy Hockey Team.
Jenn B.: This girl, although seemingly too desperate to make a quick buck, has triggered my interest. I'm going to start posting on the Struggle Bus : "I have a Buy 1, Get 1 Free Coupon for Sweet Tomatoes Buffet. For a mere $300, you can take me to dinner, then to Wal-Mart to buy a new pair of sweatpants that I will hopefully fit into after consuming give or take 5,000 calories. Also, I will even hold your hand for an extra $75."
What will I do with the extra cash left over from the $375 of revenue? Pay off my boyfriend so he won't be mad at me for holding hands with someone else and wearing sweatpants. He hates when I wear sweatpants...
Thanks for the submission Bryce!
Team Struggle: I saw this on Craigslist and instantly thought of you. Now I feel weird and dirty…
Take Adult Star Katie Michaels to see Rangers vs. Coyotes Saturday!!!
Date: 2010-01-29, 5:50PM MST
Hi I am THE Katie Michaels as seen in Hustler's barely Legal 100 and other fine adult films. I recently attended a Cardinals playoff game with a happy football fan and now you have the chance to take me to see the Rangers Saturday night to play against our Phoenix Coyotes. Yes it stinks that Carcillo got traded but look at how good we are doing without Gretzky behind the bench! Anyways, if you would like to see the game with me I have two lower level seats (one for me one for you) and for $500 we will both go and have a great time. Check me out on www.**********.net (this was WAY too dirty not to censor, sorry) and hit me up with your phone number by replying to this posting so that I can make the necessary arrangements. First fan gets to have me and since there is only one of me don't wait.
- Location: Jobbing.com Arena Glendale
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Eric Prae: Hi! I am THE Eric Prae as seen on the Struggle Bus and the Tampa Improv. This chick wants me to pay her $500 to sit at a Hockey game? The $500 includes something more, right? Jenn, weren’t you also in Hustler’s Barely Legal and some other "fine adult films"?
Attention Struggle Bus fans: I will take you to a Hockey game and tell jokes the whole time for only $400! The discount is because of Tampa’s crappy Hockey Team.
Jenn B.: This girl, although seemingly too desperate to make a quick buck, has triggered my interest. I'm going to start posting on the Struggle Bus : "I have a Buy 1, Get 1 Free Coupon for Sweet Tomatoes Buffet. For a mere $300, you can take me to dinner, then to Wal-Mart to buy a new pair of sweatpants that I will hopefully fit into after consuming give or take 5,000 calories. Also, I will even hold your hand for an extra $75."
What will I do with the extra cash left over from the $375 of revenue? Pay off my boyfriend so he won't be mad at me for holding hands with someone else and wearing sweatpants. He hates when I wear sweatpants...
Thanks for the submission Bryce!
Craigslist Failures: We Need a Personal Assistant
posted 10/14/10
Today’s Craigslist Failure comes from Kimmy in NY. She writes:
Team Struggle: I think I found Eric’s dream job. Postings like this is why Craigslist is the greatest website ever (after the Struggle Bus of course).
Personal assistant to naturist couple
Date: 2009-12-03, 9:53PM EST
Successful, well-established couple, mid-30s (she's a film editor, he's a novelist) seek a shared personal assistant to cover a wide range of tasks and responsibilities, some related to work (scheduling meetings, making travel arrangements, categorizing and responding to incoming e-mail, etc.), and some to personal matters (shopping, organizing the apartment, various other day-to-day needs, ). No children; no pets. We're not certain exactly how many hours per week we require, but it will not be less than 20, and we're prepared to guarantee 20 as a minimum, at $20-25 per hour. We're looking for someone enthusiastic, intelligent and self-motivated who is also an excellent communicator.
There is one other element (as noted in the headline) that applicants need to be aware of and comfortable with: We are both naturists and accordingly often go nude in our apartment. There is no sexual aspect to this at all nor any element of exhibitionism, merely a matter of personal comfort. Anyone who works in our home simply needs to be prepared to see both of us fully or partially naked at various times. This is not an unpleasant sight (we are both entirely ordinary looking, neither staggeringly attractive nor especially unattractive) and should quickly become routine - but obviously this would not be a good position for anyone who is uncomfortable around nudity. (You do not have to go nude yourself at any time, though of course you'd be welcome to if you wanted. You merely have to be comfortable with our doing so.)
If you're interested in the position, please send your resume and a brief note describing your interest and any relevant previous experience you've had.
Eric Prae: Wait… You are going to pay me $20 an hour AND I get to see your junk? Yes we can sir!!! Did this guy just say: “You do not have to go nude yourself at any time, though of course you'd be welcome to if you wanted. You merely have to be comfortable with our doing so”???
Sir- NOBODY can out-nude me! My life’s dream is to not wear clothing. For the “resume” that you want- do you want my actual business resume or just a pic of my balls? I can start as early as Monday.
Team Struggle: I think I found Eric’s dream job. Postings like this is why Craigslist is the greatest website ever (after the Struggle Bus of course).
Personal assistant to naturist couple
Date: 2009-12-03, 9:53PM EST
Successful, well-established couple, mid-30s (she's a film editor, he's a novelist) seek a shared personal assistant to cover a wide range of tasks and responsibilities, some related to work (scheduling meetings, making travel arrangements, categorizing and responding to incoming e-mail, etc.), and some to personal matters (shopping, organizing the apartment, various other day-to-day needs, ). No children; no pets. We're not certain exactly how many hours per week we require, but it will not be less than 20, and we're prepared to guarantee 20 as a minimum, at $20-25 per hour. We're looking for someone enthusiastic, intelligent and self-motivated who is also an excellent communicator.
There is one other element (as noted in the headline) that applicants need to be aware of and comfortable with: We are both naturists and accordingly often go nude in our apartment. There is no sexual aspect to this at all nor any element of exhibitionism, merely a matter of personal comfort. Anyone who works in our home simply needs to be prepared to see both of us fully or partially naked at various times. This is not an unpleasant sight (we are both entirely ordinary looking, neither staggeringly attractive nor especially unattractive) and should quickly become routine - but obviously this would not be a good position for anyone who is uncomfortable around nudity. (You do not have to go nude yourself at any time, though of course you'd be welcome to if you wanted. You merely have to be comfortable with our doing so.)
If you're interested in the position, please send your resume and a brief note describing your interest and any relevant previous experience you've had.
- Location: Upper West Side
- Compensation: $20-25/hour
- This is a part-time job.
- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
- Please, no phone calls about this job!
- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
Eric Prae: Wait… You are going to pay me $20 an hour AND I get to see your junk? Yes we can sir!!! Did this guy just say: “You do not have to go nude yourself at any time, though of course you'd be welcome to if you wanted. You merely have to be comfortable with our doing so”???
Sir- NOBODY can out-nude me! My life’s dream is to not wear clothing. For the “resume” that you want- do you want my actual business resume or just a pic of my balls? I can start as early as Monday.
Craigslist Failures: Dear University Alumni Office
posted 10/7/10
Tomorrow Team Struggle has a great story about the worth of a college diploma. So I thought today I would preface that story with a great Craigslist Failure! Here it is:
Dear University Alumni Office
Date: 2010-02-26, 11:35AM PST
Dear University Alumni Office,
I'm sorry to hear that the university's $750 million endowment has fallen in value to $500 million because of the recession and because your bank died. I'm also sorry to hear that you're dealing with declining enrollment due to the fact that middle-class families are no longer willing or able to bet their homes on a $45,000-a-year higher education for their children. I really am.
So, what I want to know is, why are you wasting money on glossy fundraising brochures full of meaningless synonyms for the word "Excellence"? And, why are you sending them to ME? Yes, I know that I got a master's degree at your fine institution, but that master's degree hasn't done jack shit for me since I got it! I have been unemployed for the past TWO YEARS and I am now a professional resume-submitter, sending out dozens of resumes a month to employers, and the degree I received in your hallowed halls is at the TOP OF IT and it doesn't do a fucking thing.
You know, maybe if you wanted a little bit of money from me (and these days you'd get about $3) maybe you should send me a fancy color brochure admitting your role in the bubble economics that got us all in to this mess.
For example, since 1987, higher education expenses have gone up 450 percent, while personal income in this country has gone up 87 percent, making tuition IMPOSSIBLE to afford without special financing. But, during this time, you were thriving because people could come up with the cash in two ways:
1. Get a home equity loan and use the inflated value of their house to pay for their kid to get drunk and/or raped at your school and then lose the house when the market crashed.
2. Get a federal loan.
HAD IT OCCURRED TO YOU THAT NEITHER OF THESE SOURCES OF MONEY ACTUALLY EXIST? THAT IT WAS BEING MANUFACTURED BECAUSE YOU MADE PEOPLE THINK THAT ONE OF YOUR DEGREES WAS NECESSARY TO CLIMB TO THE TOP OF THE BUBBLE?
Oh yes, federal loans. I've got $40,000 of those, which are in "forebearance" right now because I'm unemployed, meaning that the feds are paying the interest for a while, which is convenient for me, but not for our government which is now owned by China. You know, the idea behind federal loans was that it would allow more students to attend your university, not let you INFLATE your tuition to obscene levels! I mean, what the fuck were you spending the $16,000 per semester on, anyway? I was in a public policy program, so that meant we got to sit in classrooms and listen to Professor God up at the front of the lecture hall glorify Himself and Creation as He saw it and talk about how much smarter he was than anyone else and how much he'd learned at MIT and the RAND Corporation.
Really, that's about all you did for us -- gave us a lecture hall, gave us an arrogant bastard to listen to, and gave us a room full of computers we could use sometimes, and you gave us a degree that employers look at and say "This guy knows how to write reports. Amusing." And I will be paying for this privilege until I am 51 years old.
So I'm sorry that the economy's been rough on you. Maybe, if you wanted to save a little money, you could stop printing and sending brochures to my parents' house (oh yeah, that's where I live because I can't afford rent on ANYTHING). And, maybe I'll donate a little bit of money to you in 2030, when I get the loans for your imaginary education PAID OFF!
Sincerely yours,
Alumnus
Eric Prae: We are owned by China? Since when? I don't know any Chinese? I don't own a Yao Ming jersey! Shit!
We get A LOT of Craigslist Failures from Seattle. I think people there need a hug. Maybe that can be Professor God's new job after the University fires him because they are broke! My friend Sarah from High School is in like her 35th year of a PhD or something at Penn State (she is really smart). I think "Professor God" might be my new nickname for her.
Come back tomorrow for the short story!
Dear University Alumni Office
Date: 2010-02-26, 11:35AM PST
Dear University Alumni Office,
I'm sorry to hear that the university's $750 million endowment has fallen in value to $500 million because of the recession and because your bank died. I'm also sorry to hear that you're dealing with declining enrollment due to the fact that middle-class families are no longer willing or able to bet their homes on a $45,000-a-year higher education for their children. I really am.
So, what I want to know is, why are you wasting money on glossy fundraising brochures full of meaningless synonyms for the word "Excellence"? And, why are you sending them to ME? Yes, I know that I got a master's degree at your fine institution, but that master's degree hasn't done jack shit for me since I got it! I have been unemployed for the past TWO YEARS and I am now a professional resume-submitter, sending out dozens of resumes a month to employers, and the degree I received in your hallowed halls is at the TOP OF IT and it doesn't do a fucking thing.
You know, maybe if you wanted a little bit of money from me (and these days you'd get about $3) maybe you should send me a fancy color brochure admitting your role in the bubble economics that got us all in to this mess.
For example, since 1987, higher education expenses have gone up 450 percent, while personal income in this country has gone up 87 percent, making tuition IMPOSSIBLE to afford without special financing. But, during this time, you were thriving because people could come up with the cash in two ways:
1. Get a home equity loan and use the inflated value of their house to pay for their kid to get drunk and/or raped at your school and then lose the house when the market crashed.
2. Get a federal loan.
HAD IT OCCURRED TO YOU THAT NEITHER OF THESE SOURCES OF MONEY ACTUALLY EXIST? THAT IT WAS BEING MANUFACTURED BECAUSE YOU MADE PEOPLE THINK THAT ONE OF YOUR DEGREES WAS NECESSARY TO CLIMB TO THE TOP OF THE BUBBLE?
Oh yes, federal loans. I've got $40,000 of those, which are in "forebearance" right now because I'm unemployed, meaning that the feds are paying the interest for a while, which is convenient for me, but not for our government which is now owned by China. You know, the idea behind federal loans was that it would allow more students to attend your university, not let you INFLATE your tuition to obscene levels! I mean, what the fuck were you spending the $16,000 per semester on, anyway? I was in a public policy program, so that meant we got to sit in classrooms and listen to Professor God up at the front of the lecture hall glorify Himself and Creation as He saw it and talk about how much smarter he was than anyone else and how much he'd learned at MIT and the RAND Corporation.
Really, that's about all you did for us -- gave us a lecture hall, gave us an arrogant bastard to listen to, and gave us a room full of computers we could use sometimes, and you gave us a degree that employers look at and say "This guy knows how to write reports. Amusing." And I will be paying for this privilege until I am 51 years old.
So I'm sorry that the economy's been rough on you. Maybe, if you wanted to save a little money, you could stop printing and sending brochures to my parents' house (oh yeah, that's where I live because I can't afford rent on ANYTHING). And, maybe I'll donate a little bit of money to you in 2030, when I get the loans for your imaginary education PAID OFF!
Sincerely yours,
Alumnus
- Location: Seattle, WA
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Eric Prae: We are owned by China? Since when? I don't know any Chinese? I don't own a Yao Ming jersey! Shit!
We get A LOT of Craigslist Failures from Seattle. I think people there need a hug. Maybe that can be Professor God's new job after the University fires him because they are broke! My friend Sarah from High School is in like her 35th year of a PhD or something at Penn State (she is really smart). I think "Professor God" might be my new nickname for her.
Come back tomorrow for the short story!
Craigslist Failure: Help Me Win My Wife Back
posted 10/1/10
Today’s Craigslist Failure comes from Rick in Virginia. He writes:
Team Struggle! Love the site! Please help this guy out:
please help me win my wife back
Date: 2010-02-07, 12:54AM CST
Hi,
Well, this is weird. But thanks for clicking and reading.
I don't even know what terms to use. Beautician? Stylist? I haven't been cool for 20+ years, so please just let me talk.
I am a white man who is 46 years old. I'm a dad of teenagers. Middle class.
My wife of many years and I are having big fights, and I want to woo her back. Part of the plan is to not look like the 46-year-old slob that I fear she sees.
I'm no bumpkin--but I'm no metrosexual, either. Honestly, I'm clueless as to fashion, looks, etc.
So what I'm hoping to find: someone (in my mind, it's a woman in her 30s who is young enough to be hip and mature enough to understand me) who will spend a day with me making me more attractive to my wife.
If this sounds weird to you, please don't respond. If you find this ridiculous, please move on.
But if you want to help a decent guy who is in love with his wife, please write. She's back in town on Wednesday--I want my hair and skin and clothes and whatever else to look awesome by then.
I will pay $200 for 8 hours of consulting. You would need to listen to me about the things I know she likes (like curls at the back of my hair), and not try to make me look like I'm 20-something, or anything else I'm not. But I'm very open to a fresh perspective. And, of course, you would need to be respectful, and in earnest.
When you get right down to it, we're all just really trying, right? I need some help. I'm no creeper--I'm not trying to meet someone, or whatever--maybe you're not a 30-something woman, maybe you're a 20- or 80-something gay man or whatever--I don't care. I'm just a middle-aged guy who needs some help in looking as best he can (which won't be much) to try to win his wife back. If you can help, please get in touch.
It'll be a challenge: I have braces, and a bald spot! Well, you play the hand you're dealt.
My wife is the love of my life, and I want nothing more than to be the best I can be for her.
Thanks for reading--I hope you can help--
Eric Prae: For the first time ever, I am rooting for someone on Craigslist! Come on ladies, help this guy out. He’s no creeper!
Jenn B.: Aw… I actually almost shed a tear. Then I remembered I’m a soul-less, cold-hearted, mean individual. I really thought the guy had a shot…until he mentioned braces.
Thanks for the submission Rick!
Team Struggle! Love the site! Please help this guy out:
please help me win my wife back
Date: 2010-02-07, 12:54AM CST
Hi,
Well, this is weird. But thanks for clicking and reading.
I don't even know what terms to use. Beautician? Stylist? I haven't been cool for 20+ years, so please just let me talk.
I am a white man who is 46 years old. I'm a dad of teenagers. Middle class.
My wife of many years and I are having big fights, and I want to woo her back. Part of the plan is to not look like the 46-year-old slob that I fear she sees.
I'm no bumpkin--but I'm no metrosexual, either. Honestly, I'm clueless as to fashion, looks, etc.
So what I'm hoping to find: someone (in my mind, it's a woman in her 30s who is young enough to be hip and mature enough to understand me) who will spend a day with me making me more attractive to my wife.
If this sounds weird to you, please don't respond. If you find this ridiculous, please move on.
But if you want to help a decent guy who is in love with his wife, please write. She's back in town on Wednesday--I want my hair and skin and clothes and whatever else to look awesome by then.
I will pay $200 for 8 hours of consulting. You would need to listen to me about the things I know she likes (like curls at the back of my hair), and not try to make me look like I'm 20-something, or anything else I'm not. But I'm very open to a fresh perspective. And, of course, you would need to be respectful, and in earnest.
When you get right down to it, we're all just really trying, right? I need some help. I'm no creeper--I'm not trying to meet someone, or whatever--maybe you're not a 30-something woman, maybe you're a 20- or 80-something gay man or whatever--I don't care. I'm just a middle-aged guy who needs some help in looking as best he can (which won't be much) to try to win his wife back. If you can help, please get in touch.
It'll be a challenge: I have braces, and a bald spot! Well, you play the hand you're dealt.
My wife is the love of my life, and I want nothing more than to be the best I can be for her.
Thanks for reading--I hope you can help--
- Location: North Austin
- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
- Please, no phone calls about this job!
- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
Eric Prae: For the first time ever, I am rooting for someone on Craigslist! Come on ladies, help this guy out. He’s no creeper!
Jenn B.: Aw… I actually almost shed a tear. Then I remembered I’m a soul-less, cold-hearted, mean individual. I really thought the guy had a shot…until he mentioned braces.
Thanks for the submission Rick!
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