Praise the Lortz
by Mike Lortz
Praise The Lortz
Greetings. I am Mike Lortz, known in some circles as Jordi Scrubbings. I, like Eric, Jenn, and the dog, am a writer/comic in Tampa. I also like to call myself a “creative genius”, but to be honest that’s a bit of lie – I failed the child genius test by one point. But if it worked for Wile E. Coyote, I’m making it work for me.
Anyway, you may know me from other ventures such as my website, www.jordiscrubbings.com , my old website, www.theserioustip.com, my appearances on Deadspin.com and other sports sites, or my tweet venture, TheManInc, a log of everything The Man is doing to hold people down. I’m all over the place, and now I am here.
I have weird ideas. Like I once thought that the movie Men in Black was made to desensitize the general population to the evils of the real-life Men in Black, you know, those government agents who made people disappear. I also used to think Joe DiMaggio killed John F. Kennedy because JFK slept with Marilyn Monroe. Then I also thought that my GI Joes and Transformers came alive when I went to sleep and protected me from evil spirits and nightmares. But I don’t think those things anymore.
I’m grown up now. Or so they tell me.
These days I find myself hanging out various places around Tampa. Of course, I’m at the Improv, I’m at sporting events – I’ve been a Rays season ticket holder the last few years, I go to a lot of concerts, and when I am not doing any of those things, I’m checking out the modern spectacle that is professional wrestling. Little known fact: I made a cameo on this site a few months ago. Yup, that was me in the big afro wig in Jenn’s wrestling write-up. But Jenn loves me now and I love her too. She was just disappointed that a guy with that big of an afro could have a little dong. What can I say? I came up short, just like in the child genius test.
But I will be writing here once a week or so. Maybe I’ll write about sports and sunshine, maybe it will be about beer or barbeque, or maybe I’ll be penning a sonnet to my dear Reese Witherspoon.
By the way, should I find it weird that she has a kid born on my birthday? I think getting into a relationship with a girl with a kid would be challenging enough, but having to share my birthday with that kid would make it even tougher. My birthday should be my day, the day she spoils me. But if it’s her kid’s birthday too, then we have to do the party thing with the balloons, the cake, and the pin the tail on the donkey. And then not only will the kid get all the presents, but at the end of the night, after everything is cleaned up and all the rugrats have gone home, Reese would probably be too tired to give me some birthday lovin’.
And that’s a total dealbreaker.
Thanks for reading about me. My first official short story will drop next week. Until then, you can email me at: istruggle@RidetheStruggleBus.com or jordiscrubbings@gmail.com
Short Story by Mike Lortz
Thanks for reading! You can email Mike at:
istruggle@RidetheStruggleBus.com
Click Here to go back to the bio page/archives
Don't forget to comment at the end of the story!
HTML Comment Box is loading comments...