Beef Studs!

This is part 1 of a 4 part short story by Eric and Jenn about the Beef Studs and the University of South Florida soccer and football games!  Part 1 - 3 is in Eric's Archives.  Part 4 is in Jenn's Archives.  Check it out!

(all photos are at the end of the story)


There is this crazy group of people at the University of South Florida that every school should have.  Their name:  The Beef Studs.  This is the beginning of my two day adventure with them.

On one beautiful Florida Sunday sitting at the pool, my friend “Sal the Ginger Italian” (Sal-GI) was bragging to me about this club he was in while I drank a Bud Light.

Sal-GI:  I’m in this group called the Beef Studs!  We paint our bodies and go…

Eric Prae:  (cutting him off) You’re in a group called “Beef Studs”?  That sounds like really bad gay porn.

Sal-GI:  No this is a legit group at USF, Google it!

Eric Prae:  So, you want me to go Google “Beef Studs”?  I know we’re friends, but I really don’t want to see your penis on the internet.  My computer has enough viruses already from Jenn “doing research on it” while I’m at work.

Sal-GI:  No, you’re an idiot.  This is a student organization that paints their bodies and then sits in the front rows at all of the sporting events and completely loses their minds.  It’s A LOT of fun.

Eric Prae:  You want me to paint my body and scream for no reason?  That actually sound like a perfect idea!

Sal-GI:  It would be a great article for the Struggle Bus.

Eric Prae:  Done.

I did some research and Sal-GI was right.  The Beef Studs are legit.  They were even the focal point of a really boring article in Sports Illustrated (the SI On-Campus.com part).  I read it and instantly thought I could do better.  Seems a lot has been written about the Beef Studs, but no one has written as a Beef Stud.  Time to man up, get painted and lose my voice.  BEEF STUDS!

I decided to do a two day sports event with my new body painting friends.  On Friday night there was a soccer game that they were “suiting up” for, and then the next night was the USF Football season home opener.  I thought Friday would be a good night to meet them, take some photos, see if they could make a soccer game interesting, and get a feel for this awesome group.  Then, on Saturday, I could get plastered and watch USF kick the crap out of Stony Brook in football. 



(FYI- This short story had to be broken into four parts.  This part is about the Friday edition on my Beef Studs adventure.  I got escorted out of the game by police on Saturday without ever seeing one play, and that tale of stupidity quickly became a whole new escapade that had to be written about separately.  Check back for that story on Tuesday)

 

Friday afternoon, I collected el Bing (the slamming hot blonde in all the pictures), who is also an USF’er (my term for University of South Florida students) and a member of the Beef Studs.  We drove north to campus, parked, and got in what seemed like a never-ending line to be painted.  That’s when a dude wearing a pink shirt with a popped collar and matching pink scarf around his waist walked by.  Everyone instantly started making fun of him, but not me.  I was afraid I would post a pic and have one of my old college buddies that reads my site would send in what I looked and dressed like at 19.  I was a total tool-bag back then.  I felt this guy’s pain. (1)

Sal-GI was already there and started to get painted. (2)  The Beef Studs have this assembly line-type production where you get three different colors of paint, but only one at a time.  Since different people were doing each color, the line moved pretty quickly.

Getting painted is actually a lot of fun.  The guys and girls doing the painting are pretty friendly and will chat you up as they lather you with color.  The Beef Studs are also an all inclusive group.  I’m not a student or an alumnus of USF, but they don’t care.  They just want crazy people to show up and scream.

After we got painted and took a few pictures in all of our Beef Stud glory, we walked into the game to find free vuvuzelas!  Yes!  I get painted and I get a free vuvuzela?  Greatest day ever!

Why do I want a vuvuzela?  Because they are sooo annoying.  I desperately want to skip around the house blowing a stupid horn until Jenn gets mad enough to rip my face off.  I now had just the tool to accomplish this!

One problem, we couldn’t bring the vuvuzelas into the sections behind the goalie where the Beef Studs were congregating.  El Bing was nice enough to bring them back to the car so I could cause havoc with mine for evermore.  She was also cool enough to lose the car keys on her way back.

So now we had no horns to blow and no car keys to drive anywhere.  At least we had body paint and a game to watch!

The Beef Studs strategy was to assemble behind the opposing team’s goal, make a lot of noise and torture the other team’s goalie.  The victim:  UCF’s goal keep, #0, Jaclyn!  The Beef Studs came prepared with her name, bio and a lot of funny chants that would intimidate even the most stoic athlete.

The Beef Studs spent the first half pounding the barrier between them and the field, chanting about Jackie the UCF goal keeper, and just going crazy over every call. (3)  Not knowing anything about the calls in soccer made it even more fun to be a Beef Stud.  Every so often in Soccer, a referee just blows a whistle and gives the ball to the other team.  Every time this happened against USF, we all just lost our minds!  Were the calls good ones?  Who knows?  It’s just fun to make fun of the ref.

Right before half time was when I realized how exceptionally cool the Beef Studs are.  They are so devoted to USF sports that they got a TON of people to show up to a random women’s soccer game and unite in sport fanatical craziness!  I wish my school had a group like this when I played college football.  They make the game way more intense and show their athletes that they really give a shit. They also are all very friendly, inclusive, and really funny; everything you would want in a sports crowd.

USF and the Beef Studs had one major problem though:  The more people chanted and insulted Jaclyn the UCF goal keeper, the better she got.  I think the Beef Studs had the misfortune of abusing the wrong player.  Jaclyn was A WALL.  USF had scoring opportunity after scoring opportunity while the Beef Studs got louder and louder and Jaclyn just kept her composure and systematically kicked our ass.  NOTHING was going in that goal.  She did everything but turn around to the crowd and give them the Undertaker “It’s Over” cut throat gesture.  After one save I was certain she was going to punt the ball away, turn around, stare down the Beef Studs and flex a bicep. (4)

The first half ended in a 0-0 tie (shocker! a 0-0 soccer game) and the three of us went to get a drink, look for lost keys, and call Triple A. 

The second half was more of the same:  USF players taking shots at the goal and Jaclyn bitch slapping them away.  Luckily for the home fans, it didn’t seem like UCF was ever going to mount an offense, so eventually a goal had to go in.  Then it happened:  #22 for USF (Venicia from Jamaica, who was killing the UCF defense all day) stole a ball and went flying at the goal.  She passed to another girl who crushed a shot.  Jaclyn got a piece of it, but the ball barely went by her!  We were about to score!  YES! YES! YES!

Then #32 for UCF came flying in behind Jaclyn and kicked the ball away just as it was about to pass the white line to make it a goal.  NOOOOOOO!

No goal.  Great defensive play.  The match ended in a 0-0 tie and then UCF won it in overtime with a goal I can’t break down for you because it was at the far other end of the field, I was sitting down and it had been about 36 hours since the game started so my brain had shut down. 

If they handed out an MVP, it would have to go to Jaclyn.

We headed back to the parking lot and got a call that the guy from Triple A was on campus.  It wasn’t hard to find him because he was driving a huge truck at about 200 mph through the parking lots and then squealing the tires at every opportunity.  Obviously this hard-ass wanted to impress some college educated ladies.  After stopping next to every girl in the parking lot looking for us, he finely saw the three of us in the corner of the lot looking like we wanted to kill him for making us wait.

Hard-Ass:  Dis’ your car?

Eric Prae:  You mean the only one around that we are all standing in front of?  Yes that is our car.

We finely got into the car, found the keys, stopped for Chinese food and headed for home.  I had my vuvuzela prepared for when we walked in the front door.

Jenn B.:  I can’t believe you actually painted yourself.  You look stupid.  How was the game?

I pulled out my vuvuzela, put it to my lips and let the sweet horn sound loose.

Eric Prae:  VVVVVVVVUUUUUUUUUUUVVVVVVVVVVUUUUUUUUUU!

Jenn B.:  I’m going to kill you!

That’s how I end a successful night.


For part 2 of this story, check out:  USF Part 2:  Eric Gets Kicked Out of Raymond James Stadium!  (USF Football in the Category Archives)
Picture
The Beef Studs!!!

Pictures for this Story

 


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