Eric Goes to a Tea Party Rally!

(All photos ordered and numbered at the bottom)

I always thought the Tea Party was a Canadian rock band from Windsor.  I was wrong.  While posting cards for the Struggle Bus around the University of Tampa, I came upon a Tea Party flier.  I learned that the Tea Party is no longer rock and roll.  This sucks.

The Tea Party is a large group of white people who are “unhappy” with the Obama administration.  According to their website*, the Tea Party is operating under the core values of Fiscal Responsibility, Constitutionally Limited Government and Free Markets.  Luckily for them, none of this mattered during the Bush administration. Expensive wars were waged, no budgets were balanced, and “Free Market” diminished our retirement funds.  I guess timing really is everything.

According to the flier, the Tea Party was holding a rally on tax day (1).  I needed to be there.
I seek chaos.

On April 15th, my friend el Jeffe and I dressed up like a couple of pickup truck ridin’, NRA card carryin’, Republican good ole boys and headed downtown.  The world needed to know that we were “taxed enough already”!  We were off to join the movement!

 

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The first thing you need to know about our trip is that Kennedy Blvd (our route to downtown) was littered with construction.  This MUST be some sort of left-wing conspiracy!  Damn Progressives are fixing the roads!  As we sat waiting to merge, we spotted a great bumper sticker.  “This is America.  We don’t redistribute the wealth.  You earn it!!!”  This bumper sticker was accompanied by an American car flag, and a “got cats?” small business advertisement complete with website.  All on a Hyundai Elantra!  This Tea Partier is hard core America, except when it comes to gas mileage (2).

The event was held on the courthouse square in the middle of downtown.  A big circle of grass with a raised stage was the focus of attention.  A whole city block surrounded by trees encased a few hundred Mouth Breathers and all the propaganda they could possible try to force on one another.

Approaching the rally, the first thing we noticed was the clothing of the current speaker.  The gentleman on stage wore a shirt that looked like it was made from a flag he bought at the el Paso Mall in 1985.  A few hundred lifeless drones were standing at attention and taking in every word of his discourse.  The speaker was covering such important talking points as, “the unemployed in this country are too lazy to do jobs they don’t want to do” and global warming is “the greatest fraud of all time!”  That’s when el Jeffe and I decided to openly start making fun of his outfit (3).

El Jeffe:  You see that guy?  He looks like Peyton Manning and Kid Rock’s love child!  And look at that shirt!

Eric Prae:  It’s an affliction for Conservatives!

El Jeffe:  All he needs is a bedazzled bald eagle on the back!

The speaker then asked the crowd to reflect on a dear Republican friend who couldn’t make it because he was, unfortunately, diagnosed with lung cancer.

Eric Prae:  Too bad he didn’t have health care!

This time I caught some nasty looks from the pack as we both erupted in laughter.  The comedy had just begun.

Meandering through the crowd to get closer to the intolerant orator, we ran into a guy promoting the 9-12 movement (4).  His sign stated that supporters weren’t morons, not part of a mob, but just the American people!  At least he was right about the mob part.  I jokingly asked him what that meant. He pointed toward a table where two young people were handing out printed pamphlets.  If you haven’t heard about this “non-political movement” you should know that these crusaders using the fear and helplessness felt during the September 11, 2001 tragedy to advance their Republican agenda.  This association has been deemed important by our friend and national hate speech monger, Glen Beck.  I made the mistake of starting a conversation with these inbreeds until el Jeffe wisely pulled me aside.  I wasn’t quite ready for someone to throw September 11 in my face or be recruited into their conservative cult.  On behalf of everyone affected by this horrible tragedy, I was clearly offended.  The conversation ended when I was promised wings and beer if I went to a meeting.  I guess my objection to the poor symbolic use of 9-11 went right over the woman’s head.  Moving on.

El Jeffe then suggested a little competition to brighten my mood.  The goal was to see who could get a picture with the most ridiculous person.  Game on! 

We ran into a concerned citizen who was wearing a very large sign warning us about “hyper-inflation” (5).  She was mad the government was printing money.  I am still disappointed in myself for not asking her to define “hyper-inflation”.  I was so wrapped up in taking photos that I forgot to ask about her master’s degree in economics!  She was promoting two books I haven’t heard of on the back of her sign, and obviously doing this for free (6).  I wonder if she will walk around downtown with a sign when my book comes out.  Probably not.  Shit.

I got a superb picture of an old dude wearing an Uncle Sam costume and fantastic mustache (7).  He seemed to be campaigning for “Castellano for Congress, District 11”, but I’m not sure if he knew it.  This guy certainly seemed to be the only person having any fun.  He wasn’t complaining, or screaming, about a freedom taken away by the Obama administration.  He was just a happy dude chillin’ in an Uncle Sam outfit and showing off his sweet lip sweater.  He won the “Only Person Here To Make Me Feel Good About Myself” award.

I came upon a large lady sitting with a homemade anti-Democrat tombstone.  You read that right.  She was sitting with a tombstone and wearing a t-shirt that denounced our current President as a “commie” (8).  I ran right up to her and quickly took a picture.  We now had a leader in the “Best Picture” category and a contender for the “Biggest Moron” category.  Standing next to this concerned citizen, I could smell the overwhelming scent of ignorance.  It smelled so sweet!

Then we met a founding father!  Really, I got a picture with an actual founding father.  Maybe it was just a guy in a costume who curled his hair.  Not sure yet.  I’ll do some analysis and get back to you on that one (9).

I was standing in the middle of the sidewalk furiously scribbling notes.  Another incoherent, intolerant, narrow-minded speaker was spewing nonsense when el  Jeffe ran over to me with a HUGE smile on his face. 

El Jeffe:  You NEED to see this!

I followed el Jeffe over to a table where a nicely dressed man started shaking my hand.  I now have actual living proof of something that you probably already know, but try to forget because it makes you sad.  I was reminded how dirty politics actually are.

El Jeffe:  (Doing his best fake southern accent) Yo, this here is Tim Curtis!  He is one of them Dem-o-crats!

Eric Prae:  You are a Democrat running for Congress at a Tea Party rally?

Tim Curtis:  Yes.  I help put those people in office and now I'm here to get your vote.

Eric Prae:  Really? Those people?  You voted for the Obama administration and now want to take it back?

Tim Curtis:  Do you guys live in the 11th district?

That’s right, even a Democrat will stoop to a new level of low, embrace the adversary, and talk some shit about his own political party just to try and win over the vote of two people that he isn’t even sure can vote in his district.  Tim Curtis, you should be ashamed of yourself.  I felt like I needed a shower.

I turned to leave this table.  I had enough “please vote for me” leaflets to fill my pockets.  We ran into another citizen carrying an impressive sign.  This poor kid was holding up a “don’t make me live with my parents forever” sign.  The Recovery Act will hopefully help him get a good paying job, but after a few thousand of my readers see this picture it might take a different type of “stimulus package” to ever get him laid.  Good luck kid (10).

El Jeffe and I had enough for one day.  All the whining and negativity was starting to weigh on us.  Leaving, I saw a familiar face and decided to stop and say hello.  (WARNING: Shameless plug for a friend coming in 5…4…3…2…)  I saw Mike the owner of Frankie’s Restaurant standing at his hot dog cart and stopped to get a delicious dog with the works (11).

I sat on the sidewalk to eat my frank and to soak up one last moment of ultra conservativism. Storm clouds were slowly moving in and casting shadows on an already dark afternoon. 

What did I lean from all of this?  To be honest I didn’t learn shit.  Other than that I wish the Tea Party was still a freaky Canadian rock band.
 

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