Strippers, Protesters, & Team Struggle!

(all photos ordered & numbered at the bottom)

If you have been reading our beloved website, you have learned one important thing about me.  I love chaos.  It is what makes my world go round.  Since I have the maturity of a ten year old, if I’m notentertained by something out of the ordinary, I quickly move on to something else.  Due to my passion for bedlam, I am experienced in spotting disorder before it is about to happen.  Then, instead of using my chaos discovering super-powers for good, I usually sit back, with my trusty digital camera, and giggle as it all plays out.  Does this make me a bad person? Maybe, but it makes stories for my website more interesting, and that is what truly matters to me.

On a beautiful Saturday morning I got lucky enough to run straight into the type of chaos that makes me so happy.  I was at Sligh Park playing beach volleyball with my homies when I got a text message from Jenn.  She wanted to buy a new television and then go to lunch at our favorite salad buffet.  I decided to meet her when I was done.

I  connected with Jenn and we headed to Wal-Mart.  I ADHD’ed  around the store talking to the Wal-Mart clientele about their shopping experiences.  I found my BFF, Jenn, in the television section fuming.  It seems they wouldn’t allow her to pay for her new purchase with her credit card.  I took this opportunity to point out the girl with the shitty credit to every  frustrated person who joined the long line that was forming behind her.  Oblivious, Jenn was on the phone berating someone at her bank who was obviously incompetent.  Seeing us in public must have be quite a sight.

The bank cleared it up; Jenn had good credit and plenty of money in her account after all.  The new television was acquired and we headed out for lunch. Jenn was still complaining about the idiots at Wal-Mart and how she was going to change banks when we pulled out of the parking lot and saw a  dumpster fire going on across the street.

Jenn B.:  Are those people picketing outside of the strip club?

Eric Prae:  Oh please God, let it be so!

My heart started beating hard.  We stopped at a light and took a gander across the road to see what was going on. Outside of the Mons Venus “gentlemen’s club” were men with signs screaming.  There were women, dressed in nothing, screaming back at them. Fury was in the air, everyone was losing their collective minds.  I NEEDED to be there!

Suddenly, the whole world was black and white and the only thing I saw in full color was the turmoil!  I started hyperventilating.  While the rest of Tampa’s population was fleeing from this pandemonium, Team Struggle was going to fly towards it at 100 miles per hour.

Eric Prae:  Jenn!  Pull a U turn!  Pull a U turn!

Jenn B.:  Where?  This is a highway, dumb ass!

Eric Prae:  Anywhere!  We HAVE to get back to the Mons Venus!


(A side note about my comedy partner)  Jenn is a horrible driver.  My tendency of yelling incoherent instructions from the passenger’s seat when I see something stupid makes her worse.  If I had to rate Jenn’s driving on a scale from one to ten, she would score somewhere between negative five and Asian.  Jenn drives a beat up Nissan, thinks she would rule NASCAR if just given the chance, cares more about changing the CD than entering a highway correctly, and, of course, she is a woman.  If any of our Tampa readers ever drive down Dale Mabry and see a beat up Nissan with NY plates behind you, pull the fuck over and let Jenn Earnhardt Jr. in the #88 1996 Nissan speed by before someone else gets hurt.


Jenn pulls a horrendous illegal U. I don’t even notice because I am rummaging through my volleyball bag for my trusty camera.  Just as NASCAR Jenn and I roll up to Mons Venus, I find it.  There is nowhere to put the car.  We spot a Wendy’s about 50 yards away, fly into the lot, and slam the car into a spot.  I am out the passenger door and springing towards the commotion before the engine is even turned off.

Jenn B.:  Hey, wait.  What are you going to do?

Eric Prae:  Protesters!  I LOVE protesters!!!

The protesters stop and stare as a 6 foot 2 inch red head advances towards them at warp speed in crazy blue board shorts, flip flops and the only clean shirt in my volleyball bag.

Eric Prae: (snapping pictures while I am running) Hey!  What are you guys protesting?

Random Idiot Protester #1:  This here strip club!  Girls get naked for money!  It’s porn-o-graphy!

Eric Prae:  Hell yeah!  Can I protest with you and take some pictures?  You guys are awesome!  Tell me more about your group.

I then get a lecture from Idiot Protester #2 about what God wants for children and how pornography destroys marriages.  He tells me about his church group and spits some mumbo gumbo about how the women getting naked for money are ruining our fragile society.  I don’t start messing with them until one of the protesters starts sounding off bible verses and calling the strippers, Jezebel’s.

Eric Prae:  You ever been inside one of these places?  It’s horrible!  All those young titties flapping in your face!  And they charge you a whole dollar!  In this economy?  I don’t know how they even stay in business!

Random Idiot Protestor #3:  It’s terrible!

Eric Prae:  Just terrible!  I mean if I have to see one more naked female for nothing more than just showing my ID and throwing down a couple of bucks, I’m gonna spit!  Last time I was in there they took $40 from me, brought me into a dark room and then…

Random Idiot Protester #1 didn’t like where I was going with my story and brought it all back to earth with his children argument.

Random Idiot Protester #1:  But what about the children?  Strip clubs damage children!

Eric Prae:  They let kids in there???

Random Idiot Protester #1:  Well no, but…

Random idiot Protester #4 (trying to save his buddy’s argument):  Hey man, you want to pray with us?

Eric Prae:  Let me get a picture first.  You guys are great, everyone gather round, my readers will love this.

I get two pictures with these geniuses and then sneak away from the prayer circle like a ninja.  My smile is tickling my earlobes.  I have never been so proud of myself.  Then I run into a major problem.  The strippers are gathered in a small group by the front door and looking at me like I just pooped on their stage.  This is when (for the 1000th time) my best friend Jenn saves my life.  Jenn heads me off as I approach the strippers.

Eric Prae:  What’s their problem?

Jenn B.:  They think you are joining the protest.

Eric Prae:  I am, to make fun of it.  My life will not be complete until I um, “interview” these beautiful women.

I haven’t seen this many strippers pissed off since my last trip to Vegas when my buddy Tall Matt told a whole club of exotic dancers that their fathers hated them.

Jenn walks over to the group of tiny, scantly clothed, infuriated women to explain that I am just a comedian, an idiot, and utterly harmless.  Luckily for me Jenn has a way with strippers!  And, she succeeds.

Eric Prae:  Hey, sorry about these morons, I had to meet them.  I am a comedy writer, and protesters are a love of mine.

Jenn B.:  He is MAKING FUN of them.  We have a comedy website.  Eric here is going to write 2000 words sticking up for you.

Eric Prae:  Absolutely!  I am a patron of the Mons!  A man of the people!  I love you ladies!  I am here to defend your honor!

All of a sudden everyone is smiling, strippers are happy and I seem like less of a menace.  I take the time to tell them that they are now stimulating more than just a conversation.  We all hug it out, take some group pictures, and I even hand out a Struggle Bus promotional card to every stripper who will take one.  I have gone from the center of attention of some “virgin for life” protesters to the center of attention of the hot ladies of the Mons Venus!  Life could not be better.  I am Maximus!  I am ecstatic.

I literally skipped back to the car.

Jenn B.:  You better love me. Those girls weren’t very happy with you.

Eric Prae:  You’re the best!  Let’s get some lunch, Crown Royal, and head to the pool.  We can share the fantasy that is our lives with our friends.

Jenn B.:  That is the smartest thing to ever come out of your mouth.

What did I learn from all of this?  Don’t buy televisions from Wal-Mart unless you want to waste a whole morning just to save $25.  Strippers are a lot of fun inside and outside the club.  People with an agenda will stand on the side of the road with signs and scream, but never instigate change!  All of this makes me very happy.
 

Photos from the Story

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