Eric Goes to a Presidential Town Hall Meeting!  Part 2:  THE MEETING

A Presidential Town Hall meeting is defined as: a forum open to the public concerning issues and problems in a certain area.  The meetings are designed to provide an outlet for people to discuss community dilemmas or issues and try to come up with solutions along with the leaders (in this case the President). 

That’s nice.

What is a Presidential Town Hall meeting really?  It’s a pleasant gathering that’s open to the public where crazy people have the opportunity to shout at the leader of the free world.  There are issues brought up, but no solutions because people just want to shriek one sided conversations at someone important.  Never forget that this is America; the land of the free. Whoever screams the loudest, thinks they have won the argument.

(Here comes my tagline, get ready for it.) Bring on the chaos.

 

I got a great seat in the bleachers where I could see everything and take a lot of pictures.  There was a jazz band playing as scores of people slowly made their way into the venue.  The ROTC students were graciously handing out snacks which meant this was going to be a long day.

I saw Tony Dungy finding his seat. This seemed like a big deal.  Don’t laugh. Tony is the biggest and most important celebrity in Tampa.  Don’t believe me?  Tampa’s other celebrities include:  Gilbert Arenas (the guy that brought guns into a NBA locker room and threatened a co-worker), Playmates Kristina and Karissa Shannon (misdemeanor battery charge anyone?), and Mike Awesome (the pro wrestler who killed himself).  I told you, Tony is important to the people of Tampa.  He needs to be at an event as momentous as this one.  The President coming to Tampa is a really big deal.

Vice President Biden spoke first. He was impressive.  He started with a joke, and then spoke about the new train system and the other transportation improvements that are occurring around the country.  I was really impressed. He held the room perfectly.  Vice President Biden also kept his speech rapid and to the point.  I actually wished that Beer Gut Guy was there to hear facts about the new rail system and the approach the federal government was taking to improve not only transportation, but also the environment.  Maybe Beer Gut Guy and I could have had a quiet calm open discussion after all (ok, making fun of him was WAY more entertaining).

Then it was time for the man of the hour; the 44th president of the United States.  Barack Obama entered to a roar of applause.  He spoke eloquently about the future of our country and basically revisited the State of the Union address he had given just the night before.  If you ever want to see a man hold a room’s attention, go see the President live.  It’s quite a sight.  I started to feel really hopeful about the future of this country and delighted that I voted for this President.

When the President concluded his remarks, the once completely silent crowd exploded with applause.  Cameras flashed everywhere.  It seemed like a light was shining down on all of us.  A complete moment of satisfaction came over me.  I was really happy to have attended this event. 

Then it all went to shit.

Seriously, I have never, ever seen something so wonderful disintegrate so quickly.  Why?  Because, it was time for the audience to ask questions. If you are like me and your first love is bedlam, you can always count on an angry mob to screw up a brief moment of contentment.

The President decided to let random people in the crowd ask him questions.  Doesn’t he know what happens when you give people a mic, a TV camera, and the opportunity to look like morons?  This was a really bad idea.

The President politely asked for the first question of the day.  A female about 30 yards to the left of me stood up and said she was from USF. She DEMANDED AN ANSWER To HER QUESTION.  I’m not kidding when I tell you she started BERATING the President about the Israel/Palestine conflict.  Seriously, she was squealing and shouting at the leader of the free world about something that nobody in the crowd cared about.  We were there to talk about a train.

Then, Barack Obama ripped off his shirt like Triple H, grabbed the mic, stared her down and screamed, “IF YOU WANT BEEF THEN BRING THE RUCKUS, WU TANG CLAN AIN’T NOTHIN’ TO FUCK WITH!!!”  He then grabbed midget from the front row and just kicked him to get his point across.

OK, I made that part up.  That’s what I would have done.  Obviously I would be a bad President (but at least I would be really funny).  I don’t even recall how the President answered the question because I joined others by loudly booing the idiot who chose to disrespect Barack Obama by yelling at him for no apparent reason.

Ok, question #1 was a major FAIL.  Let’s move on to question #2. 

An older man from Tampa politely asked for more information about the new train system.  President Obama turned that question over to Vice President Biden who went back over in detail all the ways we could improve transportation.

This question was well asked and well answered.  We are now 1 for 2, batting .500 in the question asking department.  We might just be back on track to save this Town Hall meeting.

The next question came from an older lady in the front.  She said the following:  Mr. President, my name is (I think it started with a T, but I couldn’t spell it) and my brother has 33 drug felonies and just got out of jail again.  She then looked back toward the crowd to remind us that these weren’t “violent crimes”.  For some reason this didn’t make me feel better.  She then asked the President about how he was going to help her brother get a job.  Yes, you read this right. She wanted the President to tell her how he was going to help her brother, who had 33 felony convictions, get honest employment.  Outstanding, just outstanding.  We have now had 3 questions asked, and 2 of them were completely wasted on nonsense.

What a mess!  At 1 for 3, you can see the cliff coming up in the distance. Are we going to fly off it?  Yes we can!

Question #4 was another opportunity for a fellow Tampa Bay inhabitant to completely embarrass us in front of the head of the country.  This guy did not let us down.

A bald man, who was for some reason sitting with us in the student section, stood up and made a complete mess of himself.  He took the baton from the first two idiots of the day and started screaming at the President.  This man was mad because he owned a small business in Clearwater (something about facets or pipes) and he couldn’t get a loan.  WHY THE HELL DID THE PRESIDENT BAIL OUT THE BANKS IF HE WASN’T GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET A LOAN???  WHY, WHY, WHY???

I have to interject here for a quick point.  I am only 27 years old and don’t follow politics closely, but I think it is the job of the President of the United States to make general decisions that improve the country as a whole.  He isn’t in charge of getting the one lady’s ex-con brother a job or helping this guy write a better business plan so he can get some money.  Did this guy think Barack Obama was going to say, “You know what?  You’re completely right, let’s kick this shit stand, head over to Bank of America and I’ll just co-sign that loan for ya!”  Come on buddy, if you want a loan, clean up your credit and work with a lender. Don’t waste yet another limited question opportunity with Barack Obama.

Crap, we are now 1 for 4.  The President then announced that he only had time for two more questions.  Let me translate this for you: I’ve been yelled at by loons plenty today. I’ll give Tampa two more opportunities to put some lip stick on this pig.

At this point you could just see the crowd anticipating failure.  A woman stood up and told the President that her son was a big fan. She then told a well thought out story about how she had to take money out of her retirement saving to make ends meet during this current recession.  She asked if Congress was going to change the 10% penalty for early withdrawal.  While we will count this question as a success, this lady obviously doesn’t follow politics. If she did she would know that Congress doesn’t do a God damn thing.  So no, they are not going to change the withdrawal penalty.

President Obama responded with a personal story about a similar situation in his family.  It had been so long since a first rate question and answer that this was actually refreshing.  Maybe, just maybe, we could mount a comeback, use the positive momentum, and save Tampa from looking like the area is inhabited by a bunch of barn burning, sheep humping, Redneck Rivera living inbreeds.

We are now at 2 for 5 with only one shot remaining.  All we need is just one more respectable query on a half relevant subject matter to claim a 50% winning percentage.  I know 50% isn’t great, but at this point we are grasping for straws.  (Plus I’m a Rays fan, so .500 wining is considered success).

A male college student had the opportunity to ask the last question.  He stood up and said, “I'm Hector and I'm a student at UT”.  The crowd applauded this knight-in-shinning-armor who had one last chance to represent the University in a positive light, and get us that elusive 50% good question threshold.  Hector was about to take the game winning shot. We all stood silently in anticipation.

Hector then made our University proud by asking an excellent question. He inquired as to what the President was doing to ensure that same-sex couples and homosexuals are treated as equal citizens of the United States.  Hector, you saved the day.  You asked a relevant, thought provoking question about an important worthy subject.  Thank you. After question #4, I was searching the internet on my Blackberry for apartments in Miami.  Maybe everyone here in Tampa isn’t crazy after all.

What did I learn from my Town Hall meeting experience?  I learned that being the President and taking heat from a live audience is a tough job.  I learned that if you asked six random people to construct a smart political question, half of them will not succeed.  I learned that the protestors that you see on the Daily Show are real, and really bizarre.  I learned that it takes 100 police on motorcycles just to escort a limo or two when the President is in town.  I learned that there is some hope for us broke, young people who are experiencing joblessness and hoping for some medical coverage.

I will leave you with a direct quote from President Obama:

“Let's start thinking of each other as Americans first, figuring out how we can help one another, figuring out how we can move this country forward.  I'm confident we'll do great.”
 

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