Reader's Blog: Randi Whipple - My Landlord is so Dumb & A Date with Clint Eastwood Eric Prae: Today’s Reader’s Blog comes from our good friend Randi! First let’s start with a poem titled: “My Landlord is so Dumb!” My Landlord is so Dumb! By Randi Whipple My landlord is so dumb, he called me today and asked if his friend could move into the extra bedroom. Ugh ya. That's just what I want, my landlords friend I don’t know living with me. My landlord is so dumb, it once took him 45 minutes to try and explain the tie that holds a bread bag closed. My landlord is so dumb, his business is a bunch of pyramid schemes; Such as Pre Paid Legal and some bullshit goal oriented positive thinking scam. His office is lambasted with venn diagrams and charts of success. His Scion is covered in advertisements for Pre Paid legal. Mind you, he has never been to law school. My landlord is so dumb, when a pipe burst, instead of hiring professionals he hired Mexicans off the street that couldn’t speak English. And they sealed my cat into the wall. Almost twice! My landlord is so dumb, right before my roommate left for real law school; this is the text she received from him: "Meet me at the Holiday Inn. Suite 7. I have something VERY IMPORTANT to show you. You may/may not be interested. I'll buy you a drink. See you soon.".... I know i know. It wasn't what it sounded like. It turned out to be a Pre paid legal seminar. Guess he just wanted to keep the mystery in the Pre Paid legal world. My landlord is so dumb he signs his emails with a giant picture of himself with a shit eating grin. Written underneath "To your success!" I will be renting to own my home in December. God help me till then. Eric Prae: Then Randi sent us a story about a date she went on: A Date with Clint Eastwood! First off, I'm in love with Clint Eastwood. I recently (meaning yesterday) tried to change my dating status on Facebook to " in a relationship with Clint Eastwood." Facebook didn't believe me and wouldn't let me. Anyways, when I first moved to Portland I met this bartender that looked just like Clint Eastwood. He looked stern, but fair. He even had a super perfect worn in Levis that made him look like a cowboy. And he was from Alaska! He was man and I wanted to fuck him. I usually worked my dates in reverse: fuck, then breakfast/lunch the next day if I like you after that. So I take him home after he got off work one night. That morning we are cuddling after sex and he hands me his cell phone and has me listen to a voicemail he had saved... I listened. It was a girl crying hysterically. I handed his phone back and said nothing (one of the only times I had nothing to say). He said, "I can be a mean guy sometimes." I figured whatever, he looks just like Clint. So I ignored any warning signs and our date continued. We went to lunch and he asked if he could take me to one of his favorite parks. Of course I went. I had just moved to Portland and didn't know where anything was. We ended up in a swamp in the middle of nowhere. Then he pulled out his machete. This is when I thought "I could maybe die right now." Luckily he was only interested in cutting up logs, branches and shrubs. I sat in the swamp in pouring rain and watched my Clint Eastwood look alike chop stuff up with his machete. He ended up being really weird and things didn't work out. CommentsLeave a Reply |  Struggle Bus Readers
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