5 Questions 9/27/10

Yet another beautiful day in Florida to be lying by a pool.  We are so hung over that it hurts to open our eyes.  Let’s do this!!!

Question #1:  Columbus Day weekend features the Syracuse Orange football team making a trip down to South Florida.  Will you be attending the game as a Beef Stud, or as an Orange?  If you happen to attend the game as both (1/2 and 1/2 body paint), there had better be pictures!  (Adam in Las Vegas)

Oh ya, we got readers in Vegas baby!

Eric Prae:  USF is cool, but when the ‘Cuse comes to town I bleed orange.  Yes I already have tickets for that game, but I haven’t decided what costume to wear to the game.  Full orange body paint?  A huge Orange Juice carton?  Am all Orange Superhero outfit so I could be Orange-Man?

Last time Syracuse played at USF, me and a few buddies of mine got invited to a USF tailgate.  We showed up in Orange head to toe and got beers thrown at us.  Then we watched Syracuse get beat by 100.

LET’S GO ORANGE!

Jenn B.:  Real Women Wear Orange…

 

Question #2:  Every other commercial on TV is about “the Event”.  What is “the Event”?  (Mike in Florida)

Eric Prae:   OK…   Abe Lincoln comes back to life and starts a second the civil war.  But this time the war is over Lindsey Lohan.  The North thinks she should be put in jail for life and the South thinks she should be deported.  Spoiler Alert:  Arizona throws a chair and Maine is too pussy to fight.

This war rages on for years and it seems like the country is too divided to ever reclaim the greatness of America.  Is all hope lost?  Will we ever regain our place as the world’s superpower?  Does Lindsey ever end up getting deported?

Then North Korea shows up on our shores ready to take us all over because we are weak and alienated.  Then America rallies to kick their ass, beat them down and prove to the world that we are once again united!  We reclaim our status as the greatest country ever.  Disney buys all of North Korea and makes it a huge amusement park.

The last episode ends with Lindsey escaping to a third world country, where they kill her because it’s ironic.  Then, just before the credits roll, you realize that during all this fighting every television in America was broken, and you see me in the background laughing like a cartoon super-villain.

Jenn B.:  Eric is coming out of the closet- THE EVENT!

 

 Question #3:  Are you excited for the Snookie vs. Angelina fight this Thursday?  I haven’t been this excited in a long time.  (Alena in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  Yes I’m excited!  I think Jersey Shore should replace boxing as an American sport and promise us one fight every episode.

Jenn B.:  I have it on every calendar I own.  I think my favorite part is how they all take their earrings out first.  I think I am going to start taking my earrings off when I get in simple verbal altercations… maybe then, everyone will realize that I, too, mean business.

 

 Question #4:  Is it EVER going to cool down here?  (Eric K. in Tampa)

Jenn B.:  Yes.  For two weeks in January.  Don’t complain.  Apparently, you have never experienced a Syracuse Winter. 

Eric Prae:  Who cares?  I like the heat.  The best part about the heat is when you are watching football on a Saturday/Sunday and see a game being played somewhere cold and start laughing!  It that SNOW in Michigan?  Already?  Damn it looks cold in Seattle!  Glad I’m not in New Jersey this weekend!  This is an added bonus to football season every year for me. 

 
Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

A reader name Jason wrote in:  Why is the last question in 5 Questions not a question?

Eric Prae:  Screw you Jason!

 

Eric Prae:  This week I was sitting at a restaurant with Jenn.  Here is the conversation:

Jenn B.:  So I am out with John and…

Eric Prae:  Who’s John?

Jenn B.:  Holy shit I did it again! 

That’s right, for the second week Jenn does not know the name of the guy she is dating.  If anyone has a guess to what his name actually is, please email it in!

That’s how we Struggle
 
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5 Questions 9/20/10

5 Questions coming from a Manning Bowl party where Jenn is angry that the Giants are sucking...

Let’s do this!

Question #1:  Team Struggle:  Jennifer Lopez just signed a contract for $12 million with American Idol.  Why do celebrities get paid ridiculous amounts of money to do a crappy job at something the average person could do for 50K a year?  (Mathew in NY)

Eric Prae:  Matt, I could not agree with you more.  American Idol should have grabbed some out-of-work comedian to just be funny.  No one gives a crap about what J-Lo has to say. Luckily for me I don’t watch TV.  Imagine all the fun/funny things FOX could have done with 12 million dollars.  Personally I would use the money to move the whole show to a third world country.  Imagine the looks on the face of the contestants who learn that their “golden ticket” no longer goes to LA. 

Ryan Seacrest:  Congratulations, you’re going to the Sudan!

Jenn B.:  I think each of her butt cheeks are being paid $6 million each.  I mean, have you seen her ass?  No homo- ok, maybe a little.

 

Question #2:  This weekend is the Manning Bowl.  I hate football.  What would you rather watch the Manning brothers compete in than football?  (Halley in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  I would tie up every football announcer/commentator (college and pro) and then have the Manning brothers throw footballs at them to see who is more accurate.  It would be the greatest hour in the history of sports.  Next week, I would do the same competition with tied up FOX News broadcasters.  Then the guys from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.  Then anyone I deem annoying from my pool.  Then Michael Vick and his dog killing homies.  Then Jets fans.  Then the 2007 Red Sox.  Then...

Jenn B.:  I don’t ever really feel hatred towards much… ok that’s a lie, but I really don’t like this question.  I love football; I love the competition; I love the tight pants.  When all of these come together and my team is involved, I love it even more.  Unfortunately, my Giants decided they were “just kidding” when they put their uniforms on last night.  That being said, and with as much respect for Peyton that I actually have (I think he is a phenomenal quarterback, if not one of the best of all time), I would like to see Eli play a game called “I Got So Angry at My Big Brother for Continuously Making Me Look Like a Ra-tard, That I Went Gangster and Cut Off His Throwing Arm.”  (Eli looks up into the stands – “Who’s your favorite NOW, Archie???”

 

Question #3:  I moved to a new state, and I am getting my new license.  I am totally bald.  What should I put as my hair color?  (Mark in Florida)

Eric Prae:  Go get a multi colored clown wig, glue it to your head for your picture and then just let the high school drop outs at the DMV figure it out.  You will get an answer in 8 to 10 weeks.

Jenn B.:  Well first of all…Rogaine.  Unless you pull off the bald look well like Bruce Willis, or Vin Diesel.  As for the license dilemma, put what your hair color USED to be- living in the past is totally acceptable.  Because, you bet your sweet ass when I get my Florida ID, I am listing my weight as “127.”   

 

Question #4:  There are only a few episodes of Jersey Shore left.  Why does MTV have 10 episode seasons of Jersey Shore?  They can’t just have a live show 12 months out of the year?  What else do they have to do?  (Rachel in Tampa)

Jenn B.:  I heart the Jersey Shore, I admit it, I do.  But, how many times can you see J-Woww play with her knockers, “The Sitch” refer to himself in third person and bang out skanks, and Snooki say something that makes YOU feel stupid?  Ummm, how about a kajillion?  Never gets old.  Never.

Eric and I have had several conversations about how OUR lives should be taped.  As our readers, you guys only get a small glimpse into our lives, and that glimpse is also very censored, for obvious reasons.  I would definitely vote for an all-year season of Jersey Shore.  But, since MTV feels that they only deserve a few episodes, maybe we can work out a deal with them where Eric and I have a show for their off months?

Eric Prae:  Jenn is a genius.  MTV paying me to drink and act stupid?  Does Crown Royal come in IV bags?

 

Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Eric Prae:  The other day Jenn, el Bing and myself were eating dinner at The Greatest Restaurant Ever- Sweet Tomatoes.  Jenn and I were doing our usual comedy hour of making fun of each other and everyone else in the restaurant.  Jenn was on point and being extra offensive that night.  The jokes were flying fast, we were being loud, people around us were getting irritated.  It was a usual Wednesday night for Team Struggle.

 Just as Jenn was belting out some horrible dating advice to el Bing and me, she stopped mid sentence and got really embarrassed.  This was the conversation:

Jenn B.:  Ya, it’s like when me and umm…

Eric Prae:  Did you just forget the name of the guy you are dating?

Then said the sentence over, using the wrong name.

Eric Prae:  Did you really just screw up the name of the guy you are dating?  TWICE?

JENN OFFICIALLY HAS A HARD TIME REMEMBERING THE NAME OF THE GUY SHE IS CURRENTLY DATING

Jenn B.:  Wow.  I bet that’s the Struggle Moment of the Week.

Eric Prae:  Oh, you bet cha…
 
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5 Questions 9/13/10

Another beautiful Monday!  Let’s do this!

Question #1:  Team Struggle:  If you HAD TO sleep with one person from the Jersey Shore, who would it be and why?  (Ashley in St. Pete)

Eric Prae:  I wouldn’t sleep with ANY of the women on Jersey Shore.  But if you put a gun to my head and made me pick, here is how it would go:  Let’s break this down ESPN style!  Angelina comes in last for me, I hate EVERYTHING about her.  Even if I did find her physically attractive (I don't, she is gross), her mouth/attitude/lack of mental capacity would just be too much for me.  I would avoid her sexually like the bubonic plague.

Coming in third is Sammy Sweetheart.  I hate drama and she is teaming with it.  At a bar/night club she is about as much fun as a colonoscopy.  No chance I would sleep with her.

Coming in second is Snooki.   I would love the Snookster as a friend, she is hilarious!  Let’s just say she doesn’t “stimulate” my physical interests.

If I HAD to pick one it would be J-WOWW.  She would be good to date because if I ever got in a bar fight, she would just beat the guy up for me.  Also, my rent would be cheaper because I could just live in the space between her mountain sized fake breasts.


Jenn B.:  Welllll- I am definitely DTS (Down To Snuggle) with Vinny.  I feel that in real life, he would be the one I would try to take home from the bar- especially after the information Snookster clued us in on after her sexcapade with him J.  And, if things went well, Vinny and I could live happily ever after with like 5 little guido kids, and his mom could cook me some macaroni and gravy! 

Ronnie is a roided-out troll, The Situation is a douche, but I can’t really say anything bad about Pauly D, because I think he is pretty funny.  I just don’t think I could hop in bed with a guy who has that much hair product.  That shit stains pillows.

 
Question #2:  Why do men think it is ok to scratch their balls in public?  (May in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  It’s not ok?  I thought that was one of the 10 commandments or something:  Men shall feel free to relieve tactical itchiness.

Jenn B.: Umm, it’s free advertising for Venereal Disease awareness?  I usually see it as a warning sign, especially if they are really digging in.  No thank you.

 
Question #3:  What do you guys think about the Buccaneers game being “blacked out” by the NFL?  (Artie in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  One thing I love about Tampa is that people here are intelligent fans who just aren’t that into sports.  If the team isn’t that good, the tickets are expensive and the beer at the stadium is $9, then we will just go to the pool and drink out of our own coolers!  If the NFL wants to punish us by taking away the opportunity for the home fans to watch our team, they are only hurting themselves and the Buccaneer organization.  If you are looking for me on a Sunday, I’ll be at the beach drinking a $2 beer periodically checking the NFL scores on my Crackberry.

Jenn B.:  Buccaneers?  Who?  GO GIANTS!  Yea, yea- so I am a Tampanian now- I don’t give a shit.  I wore my Osi Umenyiora jersey to the pool yesterday.  All the people complaining that they can’t see their team on television- WALK DOWN THE STREET TO THE STADIUM! If I lived anywhere near Giants Stadium, I would be there every day, even when there wasn’t a game.  And they call themselves “fans!”- pssshhhtt!

Eric Prae:  That’s big talk from someone who forgets their team actually plays in New Jersey.  NFL games are best watched at home in front of your 60 inch HDTV.   There are better things to do here than sweat in 100 degree heat for four hours.

 
Question #4:  My ex-girlfriend just moved into my apartment complex.  Help! (Ryan F. in Florida)

Jenn B.:  What do you want help with? Aren’t you an adult?  You mean to tell me a person who you previously had a sexual relationship with (I’m making the assumption that you’re not 12) is living within walking distance of you?  Unless you broke her heart into a million pieces, I think you just stumbled upon a recycled lover!  Even if you did break her heart, many women don’t have self-respect, and have self-esteem issues instead- so either way, I think you’re golden. 

I JUST realized how horrible of a person I am.

Eric Prae:  Jenn’s sexual relapse advise = bad advise!

Your new mission Ryan is to bring as many hotties around the neighborhood as possible.  You have a community pool?  Perfect!  Bring women there.  Ignore the ex, you don’t need the drama.

 
Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Eric Prae:  We have this neighbor named Doug who always hangs out with us at the pool.  Doug is big, Doug is a Marine, Doug is Southern, but most of all Doug is funny.  We have been in negotiations to just spend a day following him around and watching him say stupid shit to people who won’t do anything about it because he is a huge ass-kicking machine.  Now he gets to be part of the Struggle Moment of the week.  I was talking to a friend of mine about what we were doing on Sunday night, here is the conversation:

Friend:  (talking to me)  Hey, we are having people over tonight to watch the VMA’s!  You in?

Eric Prae:  What’s a VMA?  Sounds like a venereal disease.

Friend:  Video Music Awards on MTV.

This is when Doug randomly stumbles up in the pool and joins the conversation.

Doug:  MTV is for kids…

Eric Prae:  Or, we could watch football at my place.

Friend:  The VMA’s are awesome! (He then named a few randomly celebrities that were performing that I didn’t know)

Doug then stares down my friend, looks at my friend’s very young girlfriend and says:

Doug:  Or we could just call child services.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That is how we struggle!
 
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5 Questions 9/6/10

Happy Labor Day!  A great long weekend is over (our livers are thankful). 

Question #1:  Eric- loved your basketball article!  After reading about your love for Black Jesus, what do you think about his backcourt mate Clyde doing the “Just for Men” commercials?  Has Clyde lost his street cred?  (Paul in NY)  See photos at the end

Eric Prae:  Lost his street cred?  Lost his street cred?  Are you kidding me?  Let’s break down Clyde’s Career:

Walt “Clyde” Frazier:  Led the NY Knicks to THEIR ONLY 2 Championships.  One of the best point guards OF ALL TIME!  NBA Hall of Famer, all Rookie team, 7 time all-star, All-Star game MVP, first team all NBA 4 times, all defense team 7 times, all around nasty BALLER!

The Knicks haven’t won a damn thing since Clyde and Black Jesus were there in the 1970’s.  So no, a few cheesy commercials haven’t taken anything away from this NY legend.

Final Breakdown:              Clyde = Gansta                 Paul from NY = D-Bag

Jenn B.:  Wait.  What?

 
Question #2:  What’s more embarrassing:  Actually sleeping with “the Situation” or getting thrown out of his bed?  (Nicole in Syracuse)

Jenn B.: Hmmm… I thought long and hard about this one.  Yeah, for like a whole 45 seconds.  I would definitely say getting thrown out of his bed; no one remembers the skanks that he hooks up with due to the quantity of girls that it’s been, but you know everyone remembers the one that gets rejected.  Mainly because he doesn’t really say “no” to many times, as long as they have a pulse- so getting rejected means you are really at the bottom of the barrel.

Eric Prae:  Getting rejected happens.  Getting rejected by a rioded up little person on NATIONAL TELEVISION is absolutely the most embarrassing moment of that woman’s life.

Just think how many random bystander strangers lives have been completely ruined by this show!  The guy on the boardwalk in season 1 who Ronnie knocked out, ON NATIONAL TV!  The Guy outside the club that Ronnie knocked out in season 1, ON NATIONAL TV!  The guy that punched Snookie probably lives in some third world country where season 1 DVD’s can’t be ordered or watched.  The girl that had her face shown on MTV show promo’s over and over again that they called a “Hippo”, ON NATIONAL TV!  And of course, every single girl that a cast member has called a “grenade” while their face was ON NATIONAL TV! 

God, I love the Jersey Shore!

 
Question #3:  Jenn- Do you really start a fight in every bar you go into?  (Dan in St. Pete)

Jenn B.:  Listen Dan- there has been some confusion about me and my struggles with verbal altercations.  It really doesn’t happen often, but it just so happens that a few all occurred within the same 72 hour period.  I don’t ever start anything (Eric may have something different to say about this), but I sure end them.  It may be that I am from NY, or it may be the fact that I don’t have that little conscience thing on my shoulder saying, “Whooaaaa slick…calm down, walk away.”  Actually, now that I think about it… I think it’s because of Eric.  It’s easier to just blame him.  Dan, you should come out with us sometime, and maybe you’ll get a good idea as to why this phenomenon happens.

Eric Prae:  Yeah, that makes sense.  Blame the calm hippy sensible one who is always trying to get Jenn out of altercations…  In Jenn’s defense, there are just way too many d-bags out there that usually pick a fight with her.  Jenn just has a sweet combination of quick wit, anger and testicular fortitude that most people don’t.  She strikes fast and hard. 


Question #4:  Team Struggle- I love when you give people bad dating advice!  I am a single female living in Tampa Bay trying to sift through all the “Man Bedazzled” (love Eric’s term) meatheads, idiots and wanna-be-ganstas.  Where, when, how and what do I do to find a normal man?  (Patrice in Tampa)

Jenn B.:  Patrice- I am pretty sure that your first mistake is asking the likes of us for relationship advice.  I am a disaster, and Eric is… well, Eric.  I can tell you where NOT to look; online, South Tampa, Hyde Park, online, beach, online, coffee shop, walk-in clinic, online, homeless shelter, online, and definitely not online.  Hope that was helpful!  If you do happen to find a man without enough baggage to fill a Boeing 757, a nervous habit of tugging at his man pieces, and the social skills of a centipede… send him my way.

Eric Prae:  Jenn might complain, but dating in Tampa has made both of us MUCH better comedy writers.  Every time we go out, free laugh material is just everywhere!

 
Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Eric Prae:  I was in Target waiting in an endless line at the “fitting room” when I got bored and started people watching.  I started talking up the guy in the line in front of me who told me he was waiting patiently for his wife to come out. He was excited because they were bathing suit shopping.   The guy looked about 40, stood about 5’5” carried a few extra pounds and was wearing a flannel.  He was also really funny.  He joined my little game of people watching and we got chatting about the Struggle Bus.

All of a sudden, a stunning hot female about 25ish years old strutted out of the fitting room wearing nothing but a bathing suit.  As basically every man in the store stopped to stare at her, she quietly pointed at my new friend and summoned him into the fitting room with her.

I looked at my new friend dumbfounded.  He looked up at me and just said:  “I got machismo my brother!”

I was laughing so hard that all I could say back was:  “Good for you”!

That’s how we struggle.
 

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5 Question for 8/30/10

5 Questions coming to you from my living room couch on a rainy night.  Let’s do this!


Question #1:  How do you throw out a trash can?  (Joe in Tampa)

Jenn B.: Same way you break up with a significant other.  Kick them to the curb, and hope that they get picked up with all the other garbage. 

Eric Prae:  They won’t pick it up huh?  You could make it into a really bad smelling fort?  You could wash it out, line it with plastic and fill it with ice and beer.  Then leave it at my door step, I’ll take care of it from there.

 

Question #2:  If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?  (Stephanie in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  You don’t enjoy it? I heard 8 out of 6 people love explosive feces and 10 out of 2 people aren’t sure.  Also, 3 ½ out of 6 dentists use the same tooth brush as I do.

Jenn B.:  I’m really uncomfortable.  I need an adult.

 

Question #3:  Team Struggle, Eric is a Rays fan, Jenn is a Yankees fan, and they are tied for first place.  I’m not sure what my question is, I just want you two to yell at each other.  (Brian in Syracuse)

Eric Prae:  My Team’s payroll: $3,500.  Jenn’s Team’s payroll:  $12 Billion dollars.  Their records:  Equal.

The Yankees suck.  They are old, overpaid and their fans are brutal butt-holes.  The Rays are young, fun and their fans are non-existent.  When the Rays “upset” the Yankees in the ALCS it will be an epic sweep.  Eat it Jenn!

Jenn B.:  My players look better in baseball pants.  We have incredible history; Rays have bandwagoners.  Not to mention, we have a plethora of championships.  And, here is my thing about the whole “oh, the Yankees buy their talent!” that everyone whines about- NO SHIT!  Tell me a team that wouldn’t use this kind of resource IF they had it, too… Haters.



Question #4:  My ex-girlfriend reported me for “Cyber Bullying” and “Unwanted Contact” that I DIDN’T DO on Facebook because she is mad I dumped her.  Now my account is “Under Review”!  What do I do to get her back?  (Tim in St. Pete)

Eric Prae:  What would I do?  I would calmly email Facebook, explain what happened and then get a life, all while staying away from my ex.  What would Jenn do?  Hook up with all of her ex’s friends and then burn his apartment down.  Either technique seems appropriate.

Jenn B.:  Eric acts like he knows me so well- he left out that I would also hook up with their closest relative (within reasonable age limits).  Personally, I think your ex sounds like a tool, and you should feel lucky that you got rid of her!  Now that you’re single, do you want to hang out?  I can almost promise that I won’t eventually have to press charges on you, or cause you to lose your Facebook account… Want a shot at the title?

 

Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

This week’s Struggle Moment was emailed in by reader Amanda L!  Our first ever reader submission Struggle Moment of the week!  Send in yours!

Amanda L:  So yesterday I was perusing the Struggle Bus website at work catching up on some Craigslist Failures when my boss called me to go take care of something for her.  Of course, I jump right up and run off like a good little intern biotch to complete whatever mundane task she asked me to do.  As I'm walking back to my desk I notice I left The Struggle Bus screen up on my computer... SHIT SHIT SHIT... I'm panicking.  I finally make it to where I can read what's on the screen... 'Take A Few Pictures for Cash'... perfect! Everyone knows that interns are super poor, so that would why WOULDN'T I want fast cash.  THAT is how I struggle.  Thank you very much.

Jenn B: I grew up with this little gem, and she is one of my BFF’s little sisters… she is also the person who captured the ever so famous picture of me being destroyed by Edward 40 Hands in the “Jenn vs. Social Networking” article.  This may be revenge, Dooder J?!
 
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5 Questions for 8/23/2010

Question #1:  Team Struggle, have you caught Bieber Fever?  (Jay in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  That’s what is so bizarre about American celebrity, I know who Justin Bieber is, what he looks like and that he’s insanely popular, but I’ve never heard one of his songs.  So your answer is: NO.  I haven’t caught anything from a pre-pubescent boy celebrity that I haven’t heard sing. 

Jenn B.: Again.  Eric is a liar.  He has replaced Hanson in his tape deck to listen to Justin Bieber.  To answer the question, I think Justin is the man.  And, he has more street cred than either Eric or me, because he has done songs with both Usher, and Ludacris.

 

Question #2:  A Rod Stewart, Bengal tiger, dream catcher pie. Martha Stewart- eat your heart out!  (Randi in Oregon) See photo at the end

Eric Prae:  Once again our favorite reader and friend from Oregon has fallen out of her tree…

Jenn B.: I love Randi more than a whole lot of people ever could.  We lived together for a very long time in high school when her parents lost their minds (her dad trimmed his living room carpet with scissors, and her mom became a born-again Christian).  This girl is completely out of her mind, and I love her for it!  I respect everything she brings to the table from these wonderful dream catchers, to her ability to beer-bong vodka, and even her insane idea to steal my convertible Volkswagon back in high school and joy ride around Syracuse, while I was attempting to get an education.  I heart you, Whips.

 

Question #3:  Team Struggle, TMZ reports that Heidi and Spencer are getting divorced.  What should they do now?  (Marci in Florida)

Eric Prae:  TMZ makes me feel gross…. 

Spencer should start a reality show where he does crazy things like running with the bulls while drunk, skydiving without a parachute, racing motorcycles without a helmet, etc.  He would make all the money he needs and we would all be rid of him.  The quicker, the better.

Jenn B.:  I don’t know which of those two is a bigger catastrophe?  They definitely make me feel better about my life.  Heidi looks like a plastic Swedish Barbie doll that was accidentally melted and fused back together after a freak accident at the Mattel factory, and Spencer, with his nasty flesh-colored beard, needs to play in traffic.  Those two and their crystals make me uncomfortable.  I bet they get divorced, and Spencer builds a cabin in the woods and starts kidnapping 17 yr old girls.

 

Question #4:  My girlfriend spends all my money but I really like her.  What do I do?  (Gary in NY)

Eric Prae:  I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger, but she ain’t messin’ with no broke….

Jenn B.:  What do you do?  WHAT DO YOU DO?  You make more money. 



Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Eric Prae:  Tampa has a horrible highway that goes north/south called the Veterans Expressway.  The word expressway is a lie; there is nothing express about our Veterans.  Unlike the other highways in Florida that are 18 lanes and free, the Veterans is 2 lanes and full of toll booths.

 Jenn and I pulled up to one of these tool booths the other day to find a 200 year old gentleman looking at us with a big name tag on that read: WILLIAM.

Jenn B.:  (screaming for no reason) HI WILLIAM!!!

The old guy just stared at us.

William:  It’s one dollar please.

Jenn and I scrambled around the car for some change or a dollar bill.  We couldn’t find one; I was going to have to break a $20.

William took my $20 and looked disgusted.  Obviously making change wasn’t in his job description.  He then took about 10 minutes to pull a huge wag of bills out of the cash register.  He started counting them one by one.

Jenn B.:  This dude is about to give you 19 one dollar bills.

Eric Prae:  No, no way, there has got to be a ten or a five in there somewhere.

William then started to hand me 19 one dollar bills, counting them slowly one at a time.

Eric Prae:  Actually William, instead of 19 one dollar bills, do you have 76 quarters?  I really like quarters.

William again just stared at me while Jenn was laughing.  I took a quick glance in the rearview mirror and saw the driver behind me in some huge commando SUV start to lose their patience.  I loved every second of this.

William started counting out the dollar bills again.  He handed me a huge wad of 19 one dollar bills.  That’s shitty William.

Eric Prae:  Thanks for the ones Will!  Off to the Titty Bar we go Jennifer!!!

I then slammed the gas and took off, leaving William aka The-Toll-Booth-Guy-Who-Doesn’t-Make-Change behind; all while Jenn was laughing her ass off at me.

That’s how we struggle.
 

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Picture
From Question #2 - Thanks Randi, we think
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5 Questions for 8/16/10

5 Questions coming to you from the backseat of my Mom’s SUV, during a torrential downpour, driving in Upstate NY.  It is hot, sticky and raining hard here; it’s just like Florida, but without all the silicone and palm trees.  Let’s do this!

 
Question #1:  What do you think about Tiger’s wife getting $500+ Million?  (Rebecca in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  Crappy deal for him, I would let Tiger cheat on me for only $1 Million.  I wish Tiger would come back strong and play up the bad guy role.  He should just get the divorce, take a deep breath, smack a ho, and get back to dominating old white men at something I’m still not sure is a sport.  Tiger needs to realize that everyone who hated him before the incident was jealous of his income and everyone who hates on him now is jealous that he could slam hundreds of hot chicks in so little time.  Tiger should be like the Russian dude who owns the Nets:  Roll everywhere with an entourage of strippers, throw money around like it doesn’t exist, and just don’t care what the rest of the world thinks or says.

Please Tiger, just punch one camera man already!

Jenn B.: I think $500 million MAY BE a little steep.  Who am I kidding; I would probably gun for the same thing.  Then again, the guys that I have dated recently, or had any potential future with, wouldn’t provide me with much if a marriage/divorce were to ensue.  I would probably walk away with like $350, some hub caps, and maybe a hamster.

I would be very bitter and vindictive.  I would definitely make sure to make his life a living hell.  To quote one of my favorite songs ever (points if you know this song)… “I hope the next (girl) that you kiss has something terribly contagious on (her) lips…”

 

Question #2:  Have you ever looked up porn on your work computer?  (Jake in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  Umm, I work from home so yes.  I would write more but I am “doing research” on Bunnyteens…

Jenn B.:  Give me some credit here.  I would never stoop this low.  Besides, the clarity on my iPhone is INCREDIBLE.

 

Question #3:  My boyfriend likes Rod Stewart.  Is this a problem?  (Rachel in Florida)

Eric Prae:  Seriously? Rod Stewart is gangster.  Maggie May, Forever Young, You’re in my Heart, Motown Song, Rhythm of my Heart!  Tell me you haven’t made sweet, sweet love to the all time classic: Ya Think I’m Sexy?  If listening to Rod is your biggest problem with your boyfriend then YOU are the problem, not him.

Jenn B.: I like your boyfriend.  What’s his number?

 

Question #4:  Jenn please don’t ever get in a relationship again.  I need your online dating articles!  I am recently single, should I try online dating?  (Gina in NY)

Eric Prae:  I was soooo proud of Jenn for that whole two weeks.  I actually thought she wouldn’t screw it up this time (says the pathetic 28 year old male who can’t keep a relationship going).

Jenn B.:  Trust me; I am not necessarily avoiding a relationship on purpose.  My friend Brandon in North Carolina always tells me that it is going to take a very “special guy” to put up with my shit.  Personally, Brandon, I think you should move to Tampa with that laid-back, sexy swagger of yours, and show ‘em how it’s done!  Until then, Gina, I will be sure to continuously provide you with stories that make you thankful that you’re not me. 

As far as the online dating thing… go for it.  What could go wrong?


Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Eric Prae:  I like to spend as many days as possible sitting at the beach.  I have called in sick to sit there.  I have faked being busy so women I used to date wouldn’t know I was ditching them to sit there.  I have even told people I couldn’t make plans because I was going away for the weekend, just to drive 25min west of my house and sit on the beach.  I love it there, I can’t help it.

On a weekend you can probably find me at a certain beach bar in St. Pete Beach.  If I could just find a way to be independently wealthy, I would just sit at this beach bar every day for the rest of my life.  They have the tri-fecta combination of beautiful female bartenders wearing nothing, cheap beer and great food.  Oh, and it’s on one of the most scenic beaches in all of Florida.  It’s paradise.

Most days you would see a mixture of hippy beach volleyball players who are drunk, sandy, happy, and have no idea what time or day it is, and local bikers who meet there to eat and show off their sweet rides.  There is a huge Rastafarian dude who plays the steel drums and drops some reggae music on you, while you enjoy the beach.  It is a beautiful peaceful place…  Until we had the DJ Douche Bag incident.

I was sitting in my beach chair, next to court #1, soaking up some sun and drinking what was probably my 8th Corona Light, when the Rastafarian dude announced he was done for the day.  What no one there knew was that the bar hired a “DJ” to come in and spin some records.  That is where the total disaster began.

“DJ Douche Bag” then tried to turn our peaceful beach bar into a Jersey Shore night club.  Not cool.

DJ Douche Bag:  Yo, yo, YO!  This is DJ Douche Bag keeping it real here in south St. Pete!

Nobody cheered.  He then kept it going with some “mixes” of the latest crap music that you might hear on every local radio station that you ignore.

I got up to pack my stuff, (my ears can’t take an evening of pounding music) when I saw a biker chick arguing with DJ Douche Bag.  Chaos was in the air!  I ran up to the DJ stand to get involved in the conversation.

The biker chick was yelling at DJ Douche Bag to turn it off.  Did he yell back at her?  Nope.  Why?  Because hiding behind every biker chick is like 20 dudes who have arm tattoos like “bad to the bone”, all of who would LOVE to knock your bitch ass out!

Eric Prae:  Hey DJ Paulie D!  Nice bedazzled shirt!  Can you turn that shit down; my dog back in Tampa heard it and is barking up a storm!

Then a few other people came up to complain and DJ Douche Bag made a mistake and said something mean to the biker chick.  She got angry.  I really couldn’t hear what she said back, because of the pounding club music.  I turned to a table of biker guys.

Eric Prae:  Please, please kick this guy’s ass!  For the love of God!

The manager saw what was going on and ran out.  DJ Douche Bag would live to see another day.  I have never been so disappointed that a fight didn’t break out.  The volleyball players left.  The bikers left.  The bar started to clear out.  I guess we’ll never know what ever happened to DJ Douche Bag.  He’s probably “spinnin’ it” at some crappy club in downtown Tampa right now telling the story of how he told off some bikers.

Damn.

That is how we struggle.
 
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5 Questions 8/9/10

5 Questions coming to you from Ohio!  I am here with a very special guest, my awesome sister Nicole!  Let’s do this!

Question #1:  Team Struggle, what do you think of Jersey Shore so far this season? (asked by 100 different readers)

Eric Prae:  Love it!  It is the only television show that I watch.  Mike is “the Situation”; if I was on the show I would be “the Instigation!”  I would just walk around behind Ronnie and JWOWW, feeding them drinks and trying to get them to fight someone.  It would be wonderful.

Nicole Prae:  I love the fact that Snookie can buy $400 sunglasses and I can’t get a job with a master’s degree.  These morons are making tens of thousands of dollars an episode and they have to work in an ice cream shop for $6 an hour.  Hilarious.

Jenn B.: “I’m putting Vaseline on my face, I’m taking off my earrings, I’m putting my hair up, and I am beating the crap out of her.”  JWOWW, such a way with words.  And, she was so nonchalant about it.  I hope someday that I can be as verbally dainty/graceful as she.  JWOWW, you and your cantaloupes are my idols.

 

Question #2:  I can’t decide what my favorite website is: The Struggle Bus or RedTube.  Thoughts? (Stephanie in Virginia)

Nicole Prae:  Depends on what time of day….. RedTube

Jenn B.:  Pornhub…<disgusted sigh> Amateurs.  Doesn’t matter what time of day it is when you have iPhone Apps… Thanks, Apple!

 

Question #3:  What is the difference between white eggs and brown eggs? (Jennifer in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  Racism.

Nicole Prae:  Brown eggs can dunk.

Jenn B.:  I could really go for a brown one right now… the white ones tend to have cracks in the shell, and lots of emotional baggage.  Wait, what are we talking about again?

 

Question #4: Are you ready for some football????  (Dave in Rochester, NY)

Eric Prae:  ABSOLUTELY!  I am going to the Buffalo Bills training camp tomorrow with my buddy Diesel!  Here are my very non-expert predictions for this upcoming season:

1- My beloved Miami Dolphins will make me cry at least twice this year

2- Jenn’s Quarterback will finally announce that he has Down’s syndrome (she is a Giants fan)

3- The Cincinnati Bangles will the most exciting team in the history of Football (off the field)

 

Nicole Prae:  My non-expert predictions:

1- Michael Vick will still be a scum bag

2- Jerry Jones grandson moves to Syracuse, NY, and falls in love with me.  For our wedding gift, Jerry gives me part ownership in the team.  I then make my brother the guy that washes their laundry.

3- Our Buffalo Bills will stink, again.  Let’s go upstate!!!

 

Jenn B.:  Men in tight pants hitting each other with the force of an 18-wheeler.  I love football season.  Eric and I will have all our plasma TVs out in the living room, watching every game possible. 

I also predict at least one mid-season bar brawl that I will have inevitably caused because of my lack of ability to keep my mouth closed, especially around Cowboy’s fans.

 

Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Eric Prae:  During Jenn’s very long and committed two week relationship, I got dragged on a beach pub crawl going up Gulf blvd.  After way too many bars and way too many drinks, we decided to hit just one more bar for a night cap.  It just happened to be the dumpiest, crappiest, small town dive bar that I have ever seen.  A whole group of us sat in what I can best describe as a double-wide trailer disguised as a tavern, being served by a 90 year old with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.  While one of our friends was being hit on by a guy that could have been her grandfather, I grabbed a draft beer and started planning Jenn’s assassination.

 Then life’s dark clouds parted and a light shone down from the heavens!  A fat guy with a sweet, sweet gnarly goatee started setting up a karaoke machine!  Has my night been saved?

Nope.  Bad rendition of country songs I’ve never heard of, after bad rendition of country songs I’ve never heard of, blared over the speakers.  To make it worse, the people singing were taking themselves a little too seriously.  Don’t they know that karaoke was invented for people to laugh?  Not try out for their dream career as a Tim McGraw backup singer.

Then it was my turn.  I pounded my beer, stood up, grabbed the mic and dropped “Ain’t Nothin’ but A G Thang” by Snoop Dogg.  The small town crowd looked mortified.  All my friends loved it.  II am obviously a lyrical poet.  I then grabbed the song book and started looking for suggestions for my next performance.  That’s when the fat southern dude who was running this show decided to intervene.

Fat Southern Dude:  Ummm, what you doin’ boy?

Drunk Eric Prae:  2Pac!  Just don’t know if I want to do “California Love” or “U Can’t C Me”.

Fat Southern Dude:  Ummm, that’s not a good idea.  I mean if you put in your song now, you’ll be like 25th in line.

I stood up and looked around the double-wide dump tavern.

Drunk Eric Prae:  25th?  There is like 15 people in here….  And 10 of them are with me!

Fat Southern Dude:  Naw man, I mean, we just don’t like rap ‘round here.

Drunk & Irritated Eric Prae:  This is America!  Freedom of speech!  EVERYONE likes Snoop Dogg!  I just woke up your audience from the comas that your party put them in.  Basically sir, you should be paying me to rap!

Fat Southern Dude:  It’s my karaoke machine, I make the rules.  I’ll get you kicked out.

Drunk, Irritated & Wise Ass Eric Prae:  You know the North won right?  Don’t be a racist!

Fat Southern Dude:  You’re white and I’m….

Drunk, Irritated, Wise Ass & Frustrated Eric Prae:  Screw you fat boy!

Then Jenn and the rest of the drunken party parade decided to pull me off the stage and towards the exit, making fun of me the whole way to the car.  That is how you end the night.  That is how you struggle.

U Can’t C Me!
 
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5 Questions 8/2/10

Ohhhhh, HAPPY AUGUST!  It is summer in Florida and it is hot out!  My baseball team looks playoff bound! (Actually, Jenn’s team destroyed us last night, but oh well!)  I have a slight tan!  It’s Monday!  Let’s do this!

Question #1:  Team Struggle, have you ever noticed that Evian Water spelled backwards is naïve? (Brandon in Ft. Lauderdale)

Jenn B.:  Have you ever noticed that “Jameson” spelled backwards is, “Shut the hell up, and why are you drinking water…pussy?”

Eric Prae:  Evian is French.  Reason 3,258 to hate the French.

 
Question #2:  My girlfriend is majorly into Disney.  She is talking about having a wedding there.  Help me!  What should I do? (Bob in St. Pete)

Jenn B.:  Well, considering she is just your girlfriend and not your fiancé as you have stated- don’t you find it to be slightly assuming that she is talking this way with you?  She is being a tad overzealous in thinking that you’re going to marry her.  I say run while you can, before you end up wearing a Donald Duck costume. 

Eric Prae:  Please!  She got the idea FROM this guy wearing a Donald Duck costume around the house.  You sir are creepy.  A wedding at Disney is creepy.  She should be planning a fun weekend, not a marriage; she is creepy.  Quack, quack motherf*****.

 
Question #3:  How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt? (anonymous)

Eric Prae:  Very carefully.

Jenn B.:  What kind of sick people are reading our website, Eric?  I am appalled and offended.

 
Question #4:  My girlfriend has a huge drawer of “personal toys”.  Is this a problem? (Jake in Tampa)

Jenn B.:  Yea, it’s a problem…for you.   When guys find out about their girl’s toys, they have one of two reactions; “This is awesome, she is a freak!”  Or, “Holy shit, I am going to be replaced.”  Well buddy, you ARE being replaced - by AA batteries.  You’re lucky it’s only a drawer; I have a walk in closet full.

Eric Prae:  Does she complain about your hard drive being full of “personal porn”?  No.  Then leave her and her full drawer alone.