5 Questions 11/29/10

This edition of 5 Questions coming to you from the friendly skies.  The in-flight entertainment broke on our JetBlue flight, so Jenn and I have to torture people around us for entertainment.  Let’s do this!

 

Question #1:  So, I am still living in Syracuse with my parents.  I am single and want to get back into the dating scene again.  What route should I take in this frozen tundra of a city?  Amanda  L., Syracuse, NY

Eric Prae:  Do what all the girls in Tampa do:  wear something slutty and hope for the best!

Jenn B.:  Well, you have a few options:  You can head down to Armory Square, find some idiot who is a walking billboard for fake Italians everywhere and kick him directly in the balls.  Wait, sorry I was having a personal moment. 

Hmmm… Online dating isn’t going to work for you, because it will most likely just be an online yearbook of everyone you have already dated in that snow-globe.  Going out to bars is just a live collection of all the miserable losers who wished they had done more with their lives than stay in the city they grew up in.  They are living in their parent’s basement, and working at Abercrombie and Fitch in the Carousel Mall, thinking that it is perfectly acceptable employment because they are assistant managers and get a great discount at the food court.

My advice to you is that you shouldn’t be looking for a boyfriend in that city, but rather a new job in another one.

 

Question #2:  Eric- I wanted to let you know that I feel your pain on the “losing the girlfriend right before a major holiday” thing… My girlfriend dumped me the day before Thanksgiving.  Just wondering how your reunion went without her?  Let’s just say that I “coped” with my loss well- several times J!  Jared- Washington, DC

Eric Prae:  What ex-girlfriend???  Jenn was more fun to travel with anyway.  Who else could help me pour alcohol into empty travel shampoo bottles and finish all of them on just a 2 hour flight?  I bothered the chick in the seat next to me to join the “mile high club” for over an hour and she just wouldn’t bite.  My tale of woe about getting dumped didn’t even get me a hand job under a tray table. 

My reunion was fantastic.  I drank heavily with some really fun people and watched Syracuse beat Michigan in basketball on a big screen TV.  Good times, maybe I can bring a date other than my sister to my 20 year…  Here’s to ten more years of dating failure!!!

Jenn B.:  Don’t worry about Eric when it comes to girls.  I told him, “The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone new.”  He has been very good at taking my advice lately. 

 

Question #3:  What is the over/under on Jenn still having a boyfriend when she flies home for Christmas?  Just wondering for personal reference!  Anonymous in Syracuse

Eric Prae:  The Money Line sits at -145 that she screws it up before Christmas break.  I am going to talk it up so all of our friends bet it.  Then I am going to go opposite, take the over, and convince her current boy-toy to buy her something shiny.  Jenn loves materialistic bullshit and she will predictably stick around until after New Years because her something shiny was expensive and some women stupidly associate how much they like a guy with how much he spends on them.

Jenn gets a pointless gift, I win money, Jenn’s boyfriend keeps getting laid.  Win-win all around.

Jenn B.:  You guys have no faith in my ability to have a successful relationship.  John, I mean Jeff, makes me really happy.  I am just going to pretend that I don’t respond favorably to shiny things, so I don’t look like a gold-digger.  Speaking of gold- Jeff, I like silver… it goes better with my sun-kissed skin tone.  Oh, and I like things that come in turquoise boxes.

Oh, and by the way- I think I know who “Anonymous” is, and just so you know, I would have to be more than just single to entertain the idea of sleeping with you- I’m thinking more along the lines of desperate or roofied.  Don’t get any ideas.

Eric Prae:  When you send in something “anonymous”, you know we still have your email/fb profile right?

 

Question #4:  What are you thankful for this holiday season?  (Sarah in NY)

Eric Prae:  Frosted animal crackers, Chinese food, $5 sushi nights at the Lodge, farting in bed, sunshine everyday in Florida, ghetto Bud Light Lime (a draft Bud Light w/ a lime squeezed in it), daily free-balling, and my awesome family!

Jenn B.:  My rack, my boyfriend’s ability to fix my piece of shit car while I’m away eating turkey (made possible because of my rack), green bean casserole, my rack, Hafner’s Restaurant, my rack, and NY Pizza and wings.  Oh, and my rack.

 

 

Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

So Jenn is a huge Giants fan, and a huge whiskey fan.  These two facts contributed to one of the greatest struggle moments of all time.

Eric and Jenn like to frequent a bar in Tampa called MacDintons on Fridays for a happy hour called “Sink or Swim.”  From the name, I bet you can imagine the premise of this happy hour.  Basically, for $10, you have an open bar from 6-8pm.  Eric likes to call this event “The Train Wreck,” because that’s usually how either he or Jenn end up.

Jenn had some trainees in town for her big girl job, and she wanted to take them out and show them what Tampa has to offer.  What she showed them was how much booze Tampanians consume, and how much of an asshole she is to deal with after two hours of open bar.

Everyone was bar hopping, and Eric got a text from a hot lady friend to meet her somewhere, so he bounced like nobody’s business.  Jenn was left to her own devices, and left to the watchful eye of her newest babysitter- Eric’s good friend Paul.  Paul didn’t realize the task he was left with.  This is what ensued…

(Jenn comes out of the bathroom, sees a good looking, well dressed black man.  She thinks it is Tiki Barber, then realizes that Tiki has a twin brother, who just so happens to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  It was Rondae Barber.)

Jenn B.: (Screaming at an unnecessary, excited volume) HEY!  HEY YOU!  YOU’RE RONDAE BARBER!

Rondae: Yes, I am.

Jenn B.: Listen, Rondae.  I am not here to blow you about your NFL career or tell you how awesome you are.  I just want you to know that your brother is a fucking retard!  (Sorry for the bad language)

Rondae:  Oh ya? (Smiling a little, most likely planning an exit strategy)

Jenn B.:  Ya, as soon as that idiot was off our team, we won the SuperBowl!  How is that broadcasting thing working for him?

Rondae: Well… I- (Jenn cuts him off)

Jenn B.: Listen, I hate your brother.  I think you’re a pretty good player.  But, I really love your mama.  That woman produced some fine athletes.

Jenn was then dragged away from the NFL player, saying very loudly “Holy shit!  I just told Rondae Barber that his brother sucks!”

That is how you struggle, epically.
 
 


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