5 Questions 12/6/10


Another great Monday on the bus.  Happy December!  Let’s do this!

Question #1:  The Russians tried to launch a satellite into space and failed.  According to news reports: “No further information was immediately available”.  What the hell are the Russians trying to do in space???  (David in St. Pete)

Jenn B.:  I think the Russians are on to something here.  I am sure they have witnessed all that planet earth has to offer (i.e.- Lindsay Lohan, The Real Housewives, Kardashians putting mayonnaise on their vaginas, etc.), and they have decided to look elsewhere for intelligent life.  If they are ever looking for some specimens from this planet to start a super-human race or something out there in space, then obviously, I will submit myself for consideration.

Eric Prae:  Seriously Jenn?  The Russians are looking for more intelligent life?  And you are applying???

The Russians were just trying to steal DIRECTV.  And they failed.  Congratulations. 

 

Question #2:  Should I grow a mustache???  (James in Tampa)

Jenn B.:  If you ever want to get laid-by a woman-who wasn’t previously a man-who doesn’t chew tobacco-who doesn’t live in a single-wide with 6 illegitimate children, then no.  But other than that, yea sure… go for it.

Eric Prae:  Here’s the problem.  As soon as I saw this question, I screamed “YES, GO FOR IT!!!”  But I’m a guy, and I always think I look good.  So maybe you should listen to Jenn…

On second thought: You’re a man, you’re mad good looking, who needs self awareness?  Screw Jenn!  GO FOR IT!!!

 

Question #3:  What do you want for Christmas??? (Madison in Tampa)

Jenn B.:  World peace, and happiness for all.  But, if that can’t be obtained, I will settle for a bottle of Jameson, a burrito from Chipotle, and a piñata filled with Eric Praes.

Eric Prae:  All I want for Christmas is two gold front teeth, a throwback Darrell Griffith #35 Utah Jazz jersey, and A BAN ON ALL CHRISTMAS COMMERCIALS ON TV!!!  (I'm lookin' at you Home Depot!)

 

Question #4:  I bought pot and now I don’t have any money to cover the electric bill.  What should I do?  (Joe in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  Sell the pot and pay the power bill, stupid.  It’s getting cold here…

Jenn B.:  I think I am supposed to say I don’t condone this type of extracurricular activity?  So, “I don’t condone this type of extracurricular activity.”  But, if I did- I would say “fuck it.”  Who needs hot water/lights/heat anyways?  You’re on your way to a lifetime of good decision making- “baby diapers, or marijuana?  Well, I can just wash and reuse the diapers right?”

 

Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Jenn B.:  I went out this Friday night without Eric for once, and the only words of advice he had for me as the door closed behind me was, “Hey, make sure you do something stupid.”  From the looks of my stories, I usually don’t need any encouragement for this type of behavior, but Eric is a great father-figure for me down in Tampa, and he likes to make sure I take care of business if he can’t be there to help.

I arrived at a bar in Clearwater that is notorious for cheap beer (after 4.5 hours, my tab for 2 people was $25), and slutty townies.  It screams “home” to me.  One of my favorite people ever invited me to come out there, and he usually instigates my offensive behavior, so I knew this was going to be fun.  As soon as I walked in, he pulled me aside and focused my attention on some tall, skinny, beyond-intoxicated idiot at their pool table.  He said to me, “Hey, that guy is from NY where you lived- Rochester?  He is a real gem, you should go make friends.”

I shimmied my way up to this guy, admiring his tucked-in Affliction t-shirt, and his over-priced Rock and Republic jeans in all their glory.  As the florescent lights were gleaming off of his receding hairline, I initiated conversation with, “Hey, I used to live in Roc-cha-cha!”  His response to me (straight faced, and slightly angry) was, “I SAID, I am from RochestER.”  From this very moment, I knew we were going to be the best of friends.

The night went on, I drank more fuel, and RochestER became a bigger douche bag.  My friends and I were all standing outside (because you can do this in Tampa, in December, because it’s 68 degrees at night), when my new BFF strolled outside to join in the conversation.  This is how it went:

Jenn B.:  Oh, hey there pal.  I like your Affliction shirt!  You must have paid a fortune for those jeans.  I am jealous.

RochestER: (mumbles and slurs) Yeassh, I know I look good, and the ladies love it.  Look at this body I have in these $180 jeans. 

(My instigating friend is whispering under his breath, “do it, do it, do it… keep going.”)

Jenn B.:  Yea, I bet.  So you’re probably not a fan of fried food, or anything that tastes good, with a body like that are you?

RochestER:  Fugg Dat!  Everything that goes in this mouth is ORGANIC and NATURAL! 

Jenn B.: Oh yea?  Especially penis?  Do you put Organic wiener in your mouth?  With a body like that, I bet it’s all Organic wiener, all the time, for you.

RochestER: Yea, I said everything is Organic…

The conversation was over at this point.  My friends were in tears, RochestER was stumbling away and lighting a cigarette at the wrong end, and I felt satisfied.  I just had a straight man, wearing $300 worth of horribly unattractive men’s clothing, confirm to me and a large group of people, that he only allowed only Organic Penis in his mouth.  As usual, I win.
 

5 Questions 11/29/10

This edition of 5 Questions coming to you from the friendly skies.  The in-flight entertainment broke on our JetBlue flight, so Jenn and I have to torture people around us for entertainment.  Let’s do this!

 

Question #1:  So, I am still living in Syracuse with my parents.  I am single and want to get back into the dating scene again.  What route should I take in this frozen tundra of a city?  Amanda  L., Syracuse, NY

Eric Prae:  Do what all the girls in Tampa do:  wear something slutty and hope for the best!

Jenn B.:  Well, you have a few options:  You can head down to Armory Square, find some idiot who is a walking billboard for fake Italians everywhere and kick him directly in the balls.  Wait, sorry I was having a personal moment. 

Hmmm… Online dating isn’t going to work for you, because it will most likely just be an online yearbook of everyone you have already dated in that snow-globe.  Going out to bars is just a live collection of all the miserable losers who wished they had done more with their lives than stay in the city they grew up in.  They are living in their parent’s basement, and working at Abercrombie and Fitch in the Carousel Mall, thinking that it is perfectly acceptable employment because they are assistant managers and get a great discount at the food court.

My advice to you is that you shouldn’t be looking for a boyfriend in that city, but rather a new job in another one.

 

Question #2:  Eric- I wanted to let you know that I feel your pain on the “losing the girlfriend right before a major holiday” thing… My girlfriend dumped me the day before Thanksgiving.  Just wondering how your reunion went without her?  Let’s just say that I “coped” with my loss well- several times J!  Jared- Washington, DC

Eric Prae:  What ex-girlfriend???  Jenn was more fun to travel with anyway.  Who else could help me pour alcohol into empty travel shampoo bottles and finish all of them on just a 2 hour flight?  I bothered the chick in the seat next to me to join the “mile high club” for over an hour and she just wouldn’t bite.  My tale of woe about getting dumped didn’t even get me a hand job under a tray table. 

My reunion was fantastic.  I drank heavily with some really fun people and watched Syracuse beat Michigan in basketball on a big screen TV.  Good times, maybe I can bring a date other than my sister to my 20 year…  Here’s to ten more years of dating failure!!!

Jenn B.:  Don’t worry about Eric when it comes to girls.  I told him, “The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone new.”  He has been very good at taking my advice lately. 

 

Question #3:  What is the over/under on Jenn still having a boyfriend when she flies home for Christmas?  Just wondering for personal reference!  Anonymous in Syracuse

Eric Prae:  The Money Line sits at -145 that she screws it up before Christmas break.  I am going to talk it up so all of our friends bet it.  Then I am going to go opposite, take the over, and convince her current boy-toy to buy her something shiny.  Jenn loves materialistic bullshit and she will predictably stick around until after New Years because her something shiny was expensive and some women stupidly associate how much they like a guy with how much he spends on them.

Jenn gets a pointless gift, I win money, Jenn’s boyfriend keeps getting laid.  Win-win all around.

Jenn B.:  You guys have no faith in my ability to have a successful relationship.  John, I mean Jeff, makes me really happy.  I am just going to pretend that I don’t respond favorably to shiny things, so I don’t look like a gold-digger.  Speaking of gold- Jeff, I like silver… it goes better with my sun-kissed skin tone.  Oh, and I like things that come in turquoise boxes.

Oh, and by the way- I think I know who “Anonymous” is, and just so you know, I would have to be more than just single to entertain the idea of sleeping with you- I’m thinking more along the lines of desperate or roofied.  Don’t get any ideas.

Eric Prae:  When you send in something “anonymous”, you know we still have your email/fb profile right?

 

Question #4:  What are you thankful for this holiday season?  (Sarah in NY)

Eric Prae:  Frosted animal crackers, Chinese food, $5 sushi nights at the Lodge, farting in bed, sunshine everyday in Florida, ghetto Bud Light Lime (a draft Bud Light w/ a lime squeezed in it), daily free-balling, and my awesome family!

Jenn B.:  My rack, my boyfriend’s ability to fix my piece of shit car while I’m away eating turkey (made possible because of my rack), green bean casserole, my rack, Hafner’s Restaurant, my rack, and NY Pizza and wings.  Oh, and my rack.

 

 

Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

So Jenn is a huge Giants fan, and a huge whiskey fan.  These two facts contributed to one of the greatest struggle moments of all time.

Eric and Jenn like to frequent a bar in Tampa called MacDintons on Fridays for a happy hour called “Sink or Swim.”  From the name, I bet you can imagine the premise of this happy hour.  Basically, for $10, you have an open bar from 6-8pm.  Eric likes to call this event “The Train Wreck,” because that’s usually how either he or Jenn end up.

Jenn had some trainees in town for her big girl job, and she wanted to take them out and show them what Tampa has to offer.  What she showed them was how much booze Tampanians consume, and how much of an asshole she is to deal with after two hours of open bar.

Everyone was bar hopping, and Eric got a text from a hot lady friend to meet her somewhere, so he bounced like nobody’s business.  Jenn was left to her own devices, and left to the watchful eye of her newest babysitter- Eric’s good friend Paul.  Paul didn’t realize the task he was left with.  This is what ensued…

(Jenn comes out of the bathroom, sees a good looking, well dressed black man.  She thinks it is Tiki Barber, then realizes that Tiki has a twin brother, who just so happens to play for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  It was Rondae Barber.)

Jenn B.: (Screaming at an unnecessary, excited volume) HEY!  HEY YOU!  YOU’RE RONDAE BARBER!

Rondae: Yes, I am.

Jenn B.: Listen, Rondae.  I am not here to blow you about your NFL career or tell you how awesome you are.  I just want you to know that your brother is a fucking retard!  (Sorry for the bad language)

Rondae:  Oh ya? (Smiling a little, most likely planning an exit strategy)

Jenn B.:  Ya, as soon as that idiot was off our team, we won the SuperBowl!  How is that broadcasting thing working for him?

Rondae: Well… I- (Jenn cuts him off)

Jenn B.: Listen, I hate your brother.  I think you’re a pretty good player.  But, I really love your mama.  That woman produced some fine athletes.

Jenn was then dragged away from the NFL player, saying very loudly “Holy shit!  I just told Rondae Barber that his brother sucks!”

That is how you struggle, epically.
 

5 Questions 11/22/10

Happy Monday!  It’s almost Turkey Day!  No Eric King today, he is on a cruise.  Take a quick moment to make a black person and swimming joke.  Go ahead, we’ll wait...  OK, let’s do this!

 

Question #1:  Every time I see that new commercial with Taylor Swift I just pray for her to be the next to teeny-bopper in Playboy!  Team Struggle:  What celebrity do you want to see naked?  (Jeff in Tampa)

Jenn B.: I am proud to say that this question is from my boyfriend.  Nice to know I am dating a pedophile (and I do know his name now!).  But, in all fairness- I will answer the question.  I admit it; I want to see either Justin Bieber, or Megan Fox make an appearance.  I find both young women equally enticing.

Eric Prae:  Hmmmm….  I’m not really into teeny-boppers.  I don’t want to see Hanna Montana naked.  I also don’t know a thing about country music…  I actually thought Taylor Swift was a dude.  

My pick has to be Lindsey Lohan!  Why?  Because she is crazy, and I love crazy people.  Most hot female celebrities roll into the night club with 10 body guards, run right to the VIP and are completely unapproachable.  But, I bet Lindsey would actually mingle with the people, dance with me, do coke off my butt cheek in the bathroom, and then forget my name completely.  She seems like 10,000 times more fun than the rest of Hollywood.  Classy broad.

 

Question #2:  Can you explain how to use a crab comb?  (Aaron in Syracuse, NY)

Jenn B.: First of all, I would like to let everyone know that I actually Googled this “crab comb” nonsense, and the shit I discovered- WOW… there are people with way more issues than myself.  No joke, the 1st result’s headline says, “How to get rid of Crabs”- www.getridofthings.com.  Didn’t realize bugs inhabiting your genitalia were simply “thing to get rid of.”  The 5th result down the page was a Yahoo! answers question- “Is it safe to use an old crab comb for the hair on my head?”  I want to share some of the answers that question received:

-“You can get combs for a dime a dozen.  Just go buy a new one.”

-“Is it safe to use an old head-lice comb for the hair in your pants?”

-“You might want to soak it in some hydrogen peroxide first.”

-“it may be (safe).”

 

Eric Prae:  How to use a “crab comb”:

Step 1:  Don’t get crabs in the first place

Step 2:  If you actually get them.  Every day on Facebook, put a picture of a crab up in your photos and tag the girl that gave them to you to protect the rest of us.

Step 3:  Repeat step 1

 

Question #3:  Eric your blog post made me laugh and cry.  How much does an escort go for in Syracuse anyway? (Jeff, AGAIN, Tampa, FL)

Jenn B.:  Well, when I left the profession, I was easily pulling $65 bucks a night with a guaranteed happy ending.  And, by happy ending, I mean the guy bought me a Happy Meal at the end of the night.

Eric Prae:  $65 Jenn?  That’s it?  I’m totally down for $65, but I am more of an IHOP guy than McDonalds…

So after I got this question, I actually did some research.  Did you know there is an “escort.com”?  There isn’t any pricing on there (I think it’s negotiable), but you can see photos, read reviews and even interview potential candidates.

I have been “interviewing” all morning, I feel like the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.  If I end up tied up and beaten to death in a tavern bathroom in Syracuse, NY.  You’ll know why.  (And this time, it isn’t because I tried to tell Jenn that it’s time to go home, and to put the pint glass down.)

 

Question #4:  Eva Longoria supposedly found HUNDREDS of texts from another woman on Tony Parker’s phone.  To make it worse, it is a teammate’s wife.  What the hell does she do now?  (Marissa in Tampa)

Jenn B.:  Have you seen her?  She is gorgeous!  What does she do know?  She goes out, buys some more restaurants, maybe becomes part owner of a better NBA team than the Spurs, and of course bangs The Celtics.  Yes, all of them.  I would say that makes a better impact than a few text messages.

Eric Prae:  What does she do now?  She comes over to my place and I help her “talk it out” for as long as she needs me to.  Eva Longoria is slammin’, she can do better than some French dude.  She will be fine in the long run.

I feel bad for Eva, but as a guy I couldn’t imagine being Brent Berry today.  Your wife is doing a former teammate???  All this came out publically???  Hundreds of texts???  Ouch.

 

Question #5:  At what age are you too old to go out and party like a college freshman on Thanksgiving Eve?  (Amanda L., Syracuse, NY)

Jenn B.:  Um never?  That’s my favorite night ever to go out in Syracuse.  After one particular Thanksgiving Eve, I vowed to take it easy, and not party like I was on Spring Break.  I missed Thanksgiving two years in a row because I couldn’t get over my hangover.  Who wants to miss out on green bean casserole?  Not this girl.

It’s also a great opportunity for me to go home with my sun-kissed tan skin and tell everyone I used to care about being friends with, just how much better my life is than theirs.  I always find it funny how EVERYONE talks about how much they hate living in Syracuse- SO MOVE!  Come be our friend in Tampa.  Its sunny here… do you remember what that is?  Sunshine?

Eric Prae:  The age when you are too old to party like a college freshmen:  dead

My friends and I have had a two month long email chain about who is coming home for Thanksgiving, and how many bars we can hit in a four day span.  I plan on being sober enough to cut the Turkey Thursday afternoon…  After that, all bets are off.

 

The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea:

Eric Prae:  We had so many questions this week that the Struggle Moment had to be an extra add-on.

I love to play pranks on Jenn.  Pranks are always fun, but Jenn has zero patience, a terrible temper (like a rabid pit bull), and she gets SOOOO angry that it takes my happiness to a whole new level.  This is an actual phone call that I made to Jenn at work:

Jenn B.:  Hello.

Eric Prae:  WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU????  OUR FLIGHT LEAVES IN 2 HOURS!!!!  WHY ARE YOU MISSING???

Jenn B.:  WHAT???  NOW???  I THOUGHT…

Eric Prae:  OUR RIDE IS HERE, WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU.  WHAT THE FUCK???

Jenn B.:  (completely flustered)  NO!  I THOUGHT…  TOMORROW…  WORK…  HOLY SHIT…

Eric Prae:  (laughing my ass off)  Just kidding, flight is tomorrow, see ya later!

Then I hung up.

Two seconds later my phone rings.

Eric Prae:  Hello.

Jenn B.:  I AM GOING TO BURN YOUR RED HAIR OFF!!!  YOU GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK, YOU ASSHOLE!

That is how you struggle!
 

5 Questions for 11/15/10

Another beautiful Monday!  It’s time for 5 Questions.


Question #1:  Tiger Woods just bought a new estate for a cool $50 million.  Thoughts, feelings, emotions?  (Rachel in Florida)

Jenn B.:  So I read up on this today at work, and I have to admit, I am a little impressed.  Tiger bought a 10 acre spread on Jupiter Island, FL back in 2006, and immediately demolished the house that was there.  My guess is that the ceilings weren’t conducive to stripper poles, and there weren’t enough rooms to house all his trophies.  Rumor has it that he is going to have a room comprised completely of mirrors, just so he can see how godly he looks from all angles, as he fornicates with mermaids, Grecian Goddesses, and whatever other mystical creatures his money can buy.

Eric Prae:  But does he have a pyramid of ladies like Derrick Rose???

(watch the clip)

 

Question #2:  The State of New York is trying to ban the sale of “flavored alcoholic beverages with caffeine, because they are dangerous and appeal to young drinkers”.  What do you guys think about this?  (Chris in Upstate, NY)

Jenn B.:  Chalk this up to another reason that I am happy to live in Tampa.  There isn’t a better way to start off a Friday night than with a few tall boys of Sparks!  It really helps get your adrenaline flowing (to the point where you feel your eyes are going to burst directly out of your skull).  New York is becoming less and less fun by the day.  First, they get pissed because Spitzer was using tax payers’ money to buy hookers and blow, and now they are telling you that you can’t get all hopped up on energy drinks and blackout by 10pm?  Party shitters.

Eric Prae:  Dear NY State:

The WHOLE POINT of caffeinated beverages mixed with alcohol is for muscled-up, frat boy, Affliction wearing idiots to make a complete fool of themselves at the bar (Well, those guys and Jenn).  Banning this trashy swill will not affect the way I drink, but it will certainly downgrade my tavern experience and give me less to write about!  Letting these idiots loose in public and watching them pay $15 for a RedBull and Vodka is not only humane, it is needed in our society.  What will these uncivilized apes do now for refreshment?  Who will I make fun of to the point that they swing at me?  Why does the state of NY ban everything fun?

When the Jersey Shore gets cancelled because the guys were too tired after drinking Coors Light to beat someone up or pound out a chick, you will regret this horrible decision.

Eric King:  As long as you don’t ban Four Loko.  Jerks. ßHey Eric, I don’t mean to piss on your parade, but they are banning Four Loko in Florida.  I kid you not.  Looks like Montana is going to be the new “hot spot” for spring break.  Love, Jenn

 

Question #3:  The Giants spent like a billion dollars on a new stadium, and then on national TV, they can’t figure out how to turn the lights on?  Epic fail!!!  (Tim in NY)

Jenn B.:  First of all, I hate you.  I think it was actually a very wise and strategic move on the Giants’ part.  They know that half their team is filled with big black men (yay) so they figured, if they didn’t pay their power bill , and made it real dark in there, then they would actually be able to sneak by and score against the Cowboys.  Too bad Jerry Jones saw right through this plan, and he tossed a few million dollars to the power company, and he got those lights turned right back on!

Eric Prae:  First thing that came to my mind when the power went out:  I wonder how many people in the pitch dark upper deck are getting it on right now???  And it is this type of thought process that caused my girlfriend to dump me.

Maybe the NFL can use this to make games like that one more interesting.  When one team gets ahead by more than 14 points, turn the lights out on the side of the field that they are trying to score at!  Also, with fewer lights, it will be easier to nap at a Bills or Bengals game.

Eric King:  You know what is a real epic fail?  Jerry Jones spending billions on his new stadium with that expensive ass jumbotron, and having a crappy football team!



 
Question #4:  Team Struggle – Why does everybody hate the Miami Heat and LeBron James?  (Daniel in Tampa Bay)

Jenn B.:  Well, I don’t hate them or LeBron, and neither does Eric Prae.  Therefore, your “everybody” theory has been disproved.  I know where you were trying to go with that question, and my answer is, “because they are haters.”  It is human nature to envy others and want what they have, if you don’t have it.  Fans and other players either want to be LeBron, or they want him on THEIR team.  I love the Celtics, and I would have loved for LeBron to have gone to Boston- but we have enough superstars up there, and D-Wade needed a friend.

I would say that “I know the feeling” of being hated on.  But, let’s be serious.  I don’t know what that’s like- (see last week’s survey results. OHHHHHHH!!!!)

Eric Prae:  Hate LeBron?  I LOVE LEBRON!  This year’s NBA final with Kobe vs. LeBron is going to be epic!  Just wait until next year when my main man Melo goes to the Knicks!

Something that I do hate?  I don’t get the Miami Heat on my cable.  I get the network for the Orlando Magic, and I also get the local feed for the Chicago Bulls (I have no idea why), but I can’t get the Miami Heat network?  I would call someone and complain, but we may or may not be stealing our cable.

Eric King:  I love LeBron!  He just wants to win rings and get paid.  As 50 cent once said:  “If they hate, let em hate, and watch the money pile up…”



Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Eric Prae:  I was at Sligh park on Thursday playing beach volleyball.  Sligh park is one of the hidden gems of Tampa.  Right in the middle of the ghetto that is downtown Tampa is two beach volleyball courts with regulation nets, regulation lines and really deep beach sand.  It even has lights for night time play!  The best part is that our group of friends is really the only people that play there.  No leagues, no bar, no crowds to get away from your court, and you don’t have to drive all the way to the beach.  It is beach volleyball bliss…in the middle of the ghetto.

I was warming up on the side of the court with my friend Doug when a short, very stocky man staggered down the sidewalk.  He was about 40 years old, but he looked like he had seen better days.  He even had a sweet ponytail.  This man and the girl he was walking with stopped to watch us play.  Then he said one of the funniest things of all time:

Crazy Dude:  Hey!

We all turned and looked at him outside the fence.

Crazy Dude:  I love volleyball!  Was volleyball champ at Gulf Correctional!!!

He then put his hand up in some type of brotherhood greeting and staggered away.  All the rest of us could do was put our hands up and cheer for him.

Eric Prae:  Did he just say “Gulf Correctional”, like the prison?

Doug:  Yup.

That is how you struggle.
 

5 Questions for 11/8/10

The Struggle Bus:  an energy drink for your eyes!  Happy Monday, let’s do this:

Question #1: Team Struggle- Tom Selleck has a new show.  Did you know he was still alive?  Does he have the greatest facial hair ever?  (Mark in Florida)

Eric King:  I don’t know him as an actor, but I Googled him, and with that mustache, he could do drive by shootings in my neighborhood!

Jenn B.:  I couldn’t name a single movie that he was in, but what I do know is that his face looks like a piece of Saran-Wrap stretched over a mound of Play-Doh… think about it.

Eric Prae:   I did know he was still alive, but no, he doesn’t have the best facial hair.  Look, Tom Selleck has good facial hair if you are a woman over the age of 80, but for the rest of us, let me give you a MUCH better list  (all photos numbered at the end):

Top 5 Struggle Bus Facial Hair:

FYI - Michael Jordan’s “Hitler” mustache didn’t make the cut.  This photo proves that even the best of all time can make mistakes.

#5 - Broadway Joe Namath! (Athlete)  Sported a sweet, sweet stache.  Drank a ton of free booze, did a ton of chicks, threw more interceptions than touchdowns & STILL MADE THE HALL OF FAME!

#4 - Mr. Miyagi! (Film star and gangster)  Looked like a homeless person, could totally kick your ass.

#3 - Zach Galifianakis!  (Actor)  Turned his beard into a multi-million dollar movie career.  I think it gives him superpowers.

#2 – Jimmy Mcmillan (Politician) – “As a karate expert I will not talk about anyone up here…”  “Why, because THE RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH!”

#1 – The Best Struggle Bus Facial Hair goes to:  Baron Davis!  (Athlete)  “Boom Dizzle” brought back the “pimp strap”.  Enough said!

 

 

Question #2:  I live in Buffalo and am a HUGE Bills fan.  My team is 0-7 and this weekend we play a “home” game in Toronto, Canada.  Eric & Jenn, you both grew up in upstate NY, help me not jump off a cliff.  (Fred in Buffalo, NY)

Jenn B.:  Yea, I grew up in Syracuse- we don’t recognize The Bills as a New York team…they are kind of like the red-headed stepchild of the state.  Go Giants- The better choice for red and blue jersey lovers!

Eric Prae:  I went to a TON of Bills games growing up, so the Bills “make me want to shout”.  I know you are mad about losing a home game, but maybe a nice weekend in Toronto would be good for you Bills fans!  Get off of your snowmobiles, get out of your trailers and go see the big city lights for a bit.  And if you really want to be entertained, stop in Niagara Falls on your way up- best strips clubs around.  You’ll thank me later.

 

Question #3:  So my best buddy’s new girl has big fake breasts, and when we go out she doesn’t cover them with much.  I just stare the whole time and all of the girls in our group hate her (women are sooo jealous and uncomfortable around her).  How do I tell my buddy to tell his girl to cover it up?  (James in Tampa)

Jenn B.: I will let the boys cover this one.  I have ZERO issues in this area, so I can’t say much.

Eric King:  Well if they don’t like her because of her personality, then there’s not much you can do for her.  If I paid thousands of dollars for sum titties...  I’d show `em off too!  Keep staring and don’t look obvious!

Eric Prae:  This is soooo simple.  Tell your best buddy of the problem.  Make sure all of your girlfriends hate her and start lots of drama.  Then let them have a huge fight and breakup, and send me her phone number.  Does she like beach bum comedians who don’t pay for much? 

 

Question #4:  Eric Prae, and Eric King- Are either of you guys single?  I hear that Gingers and Black men are the way to go… (Vanessa D, St. Pete, FL)

Jenn B.: Please send a full body shot, criminal record, and psych evaluation, attention: Jenn B.  I will be taking applications, as these gentletards’ dating manager.  Virgins, non-alcoholics, KKK members, Ronald McDonald Fetish-havers, or mothers of 2+ illegitimate children will not ALL be considered.  

Eric Prae:  Both of us are single, until Sundays when we do three-ways with Artie Fletcher…

 

Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Eric Prae:  Last week, Jenn, our slammin hot friend Jo-Jo and I went out for a spirited night of social drinking.    Ok, really we went out in search of $0.99 drafts.  And, we found them!

A few hours later I was “calling a cab” drunk and Jenn was “didn’t know where she was” drunk, when I started having a really fun conversation with a guy at the bar who was a fellow writer.  It turns out that he was a fiction writer who has published two books already and was currently working on a manuscript.  I instantly deemed him: “most interesting person at the bar” and pushed his girlfriend aside so we could talk book genres.  We must have talked for like ten minutes about our favorite authors when Jenn stumbled up hammered.  She wanted to join the conversation, badly.

Eric Prae:  Jenn!  This guy is also a writer, he writes fiction.

Jenn B.:  (screaming at the top of her drunk lungs, for no apparent reason)  I WRITE FICTION!!!!!!

Eric Prae:  (whispering) No Jenn, you write non-fiction.

Again, screaming at the top of her lungs, as if the conversation had never started in the first place or as if she had been granted some divine do-over, Jenn, without even pausing or skipping a beat said:

Jenn B.:  I WRITE NON-FICTION!!!!!!!

The guy just stared at her.

Eric Prae:  (rubbing Jenn’s head) Good job partner.  Let’s get you more beer.

That is how you struggle.

5 Questions for 10/25/10

Question #1:  What is going on with Tony Romo’s hat?  Is that not the corneyest thing you have ever seen?  That has to be why they can’t win a damn game!  (Todd in NY)  (See Photo at end!)

Eric Prae:  It’s just the best!  It totally screams douche.  If I was a Cowboys fan I would demand he take it off.  As a Dolphins fan I can’t get enough of Tony Romo sitting through a press conference after ANOTHER Dallas loss, wearing that ridiculous hat and fantasizing about Jessica Simpson naked…

Eric King:  Ohhh the hat is sooooo ugly!  The Coyboys still make headlines even though they are a joke this year.  Their coach stinks and they have no leadership or chemistry.  I blame the hat.

Jenn B.:  I do everything I can to avoid having to listen to or watch Tony Romo.  Sooooo, I don’t know what hat you are referring to, but I am sure it looks stupid.  And by the way, they can’t win a game because their owner spends all his money on Jumbotrons and not real talent.

 

Question #2:  My friend is completely “whipped” by a girl he isn’t even having sex with.  What do you call that?  (Jennifer in Florida)

Jenn B.:  Marriage.

Eric Prae:  I would call this “clubbed”.  Getting clubbed is like getting whipped, but without the pleasure or the latex.  So your friend is clubbed.

Eric King:  It is called "Epic Fail".  Being whipped by a female you’re not having sex with is like going into a grocery store and staring at all the food when you don’t have money...  What’s the point?

 
Question #3:  The second season of Jersey Shore is over.  What did you think?  What now?  I NEED more Jersey Shore.  (Nadene in Tampa)

Jenn B.:  A little piece of me died on Thursday.  I found the last episode extremely less than fulfilling.  Vinny and Pauly D took their girls out on a date, and then everyone sat around and played “Who is most likely to…”  I think we all expected at least 4 of them to go out and get someone/get themselves pregnant. 

Eric Prae:  I hate to agree with Jenn and I don’t want to be Debbie Downer but I thought this season was contrived, boring, and full of “pre-written” moments.  Every episode a cast member would try to yell some catchy slogan so MTV could sell ringtones and t-shirts.  Season 1 was a chaotic mess of fighting, drinking and failed sex attempts by broke young people.  Season 2 was rich and famous people doing things that would make them more rich and famous, but pretending they weren’t.  Snooki makes $30,000 an episode and buys sun glasses that cost hundreds of dollars, and then has to work in some ice cream shop for $6.50 an hour?  Why?

Watching Ronnie beat up random strangers in Season 1 was epic, but every fight this season was just hair pulling and trash talking.  Snooze fest.

I love Pauly D, but everything that came out of his mouth went straight to a poster in some teenage girl’s bedroom.  I really think his agent called him up and said: “Pauly!  The Situation is getting all the press!  Do something!  Quick!”  Then we had to hear “oh yeah!”, “cabs are here” and “t-shirt time” every episode.

Why can’t MTV just pay minimum wage to a new cast of Guidos/Guidettes every summer?  I want to see more random fights, not promo’s for Dancing With the Stars.

Eric King:  I watched season 2 religiously and I keep wondering:  Why are these people famous?  They make $30,000 an episode to party, fight, and have sex?  THIS is the highest rated show on MTV?

I am way to jealous to break this down.  I heard they are making another season…  God help us.

 

Question #4:  I got hassled by a scientologist in Clearwater.  Team Struggle, help me!  (Colby in Florida)

Eric Prae:  Ohhh a religion question?  Are you trying to get us in trouble?  Luckily for you we don’t care.  We actually wrote about religion once when the site first started, but that back when no one was reading and you couldn’t leave unfiltered comments!  So let’s try to piss people off now that we have thousands of readers.

I don’t really know anything about scientology, so I looked it up.  How did I do my research?  I watched an educational South Park episode about the subject matter and then felt sufficiently intelligent enough to give an opinion.

I learned that scientologists believe in Aliens!  So my question back to them is: what kind of Aliens?  If it is the big scary Aliens from Alien 1-4 then I’m not converting.  But if I get to hang out with Alf then I am totally down!  But I’m not down to hassle anybody on a street corner.  I do that better online.

Jenn B.: Ever since I discovered that Clearwater, FL was the nucleus for this crazy “religion”, I was absolutely ecstatic!  I get excited when I see the crazies outside of bars on weekends, yelling at passerby’s for their “indiscretions” and intentions of random fornication.  The Scientologists seem like they would be right at that level, but even a little more off.  Don’t they believe in Aliens?  Eric and I are going to go to downtown Clearwater very soon and see what kind of things we can provoke.  Hope we don’t die, but I DO hope Eric gets probed.




Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

This week’s Struggle Moment is a visual from a bar Jenn and I were at Friday night.  This was posted on the exit.  See photo #2 at end!  Enjoy:


Jenn B.:  I hate bad grammar.  So what do I do?  Walk right PASSED this sign with my drink!

Eric Prae:  Not sure what is better:  that one dumb ass doesn't understand grammar, or that no one else that works there corrected him.  Outstanding.

That is how you struggle.