5 Questions 8/2/10

Ohhhhh, HAPPY AUGUST!  It is summer in Florida and it is hot out!  My baseball team looks playoff bound! (Actually, Jenn’s team destroyed us last night, but oh well!)  I have a slight tan!  It’s Monday!  Let’s do this!

Question #1:  Team Struggle, have you ever noticed that Evian Water spelled backwards is naïve? (Brandon in Ft. Lauderdale)

Jenn B.:  Have you ever noticed that “Jameson” spelled backwards is, “Shut the hell up, and why are you drinking water…pussy?”

Eric Prae:  Evian is French.  Reason 3,258 to hate the French.

 
Question #2:  My girlfriend is majorly into Disney.  She is talking about having a wedding there.  Help me!  What should I do? (Bob in St. Pete)

Jenn B.:  Well, considering she is just your girlfriend and not your fiancé as you have stated- don’t you find it to be slightly assuming that she is talking this way with you?  She is being a tad overzealous in thinking that you’re going to marry her.  I say run while you can, before you end up wearing a Donald Duck costume. 

Eric Prae:  Please!  She got the idea FROM this guy wearing a Donald Duck costume around the house.  You sir are creepy.  A wedding at Disney is creepy.  She should be planning a fun weekend, not a marriage; she is creepy.  Quack, quack motherf*****.

 
Question #3:  How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt? (anonymous)

Eric Prae:  Very carefully.

Jenn B.:  What kind of sick people are reading our website, Eric?  I am appalled and offended.

 
Question #4:  My girlfriend has a huge drawer of “personal toys”.  Is this a problem? (Jake in Tampa)

Jenn B.:  Yea, it’s a problem…for you.   When guys find out about their girl’s toys, they have one of two reactions; “This is awesome, she is a freak!”  Or, “Holy shit, I am going to be replaced.”  Well buddy, you ARE being replaced - by AA batteries.  You’re lucky it’s only a drawer; I have a walk in closet full.

Eric Prae:  Does she complain about your hard drive being full of “personal porn”?  No.  Then leave her and her full drawer alone.

 
Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Eric Prae:  Last week Jenn and I had some friends in town.  We went on a four day bender.  After totaling up the damage as our friends left, we realized that we had lost something more than just our money, dignity and shame.  I had lost my car keys- my last set of car keys.  I started to freak out, how was I supposed to drive anywhere?  I am now housebound?  Shit!

We looked everywhere.  No keys.  I decided it was time to accept reality and call the Chrysler dealership and beg for a solution.  A lady with a brutal southern accent answered the phone.  I could see the train wreck coming, so I put her on speaker phone with both me and Jenn.

Dumb Southern Lady:  Hello!  This is (censored) Chrysler, how may I help you?

Eric Prae:  Hi!  My name is Eric Praetorius; I am in your database as a customer.  I have a 2005 Chrysler Crossfire Convertible and I lost the keys.  Can you make me a new set?

Dumb Southern Lady:  I’m not sure, just drive the car down here tomorrow and we will get started on it.

(Dead silence for about 10 whole seconds)

Eric Prae:  Umm, I don’t have keys.  So I can’t drive the car.

Dumb Southern Lady:  Can you get in the car?

Eric Prae:  Umm, no.  I don’t have keys.  That’s why I called you.

Dumb Southern Lady:  Well if you can’t get the car down here, there might not be much we can do.

(This is when Jenn decided to jump in and “help out”)

Jenn B.:  Hey, lady.  I’m sure Eric isn’t the first moron in the history of Chrysler ownership to lose his keys.  What do you expect him to do now?  Push the car in the water and just buy a new one?  Come on!

Dumb Southern Lady:  Can you get someone to unlock the car?

Eric Prae:  And then what???  Get robbed???  I DON’T HAVE KEYS TO DRIVE IT ANYWHERE!!!

Dumb Southern Lady:  (getting very frustrated with my frustration) Sir, you will just have to come down here and talk to our parts department tomorrow.

Eric Prae:  Great!  I’ll start walking now!

This is how we struggle!
 
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