5 Questions July 5, 2010

Happy 4th of July!  America's Independence Day: A day to celebrate not being British!  Lots of questions this week, thank you all for the submissions.

Question #1:  Does the type of breast (real or fake) make a difference in the motor-boating experience?  (Katie in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  First off, I am sanctioning the IOC (International Olympic Committee) to make motor-boating an official Olympic sport.  I need to win a gold medal that wasn't obtained at the Special Olympics for deaf people.  Fake and real are both great.  Just enjoy the motorboat Katie!

Jenn B.:  My breasts have a lot of magical powers, and they are real.  Unfortunately, I can’t motor boat myself!  I would if I could, because I would like to find out what the big deal about it is and why guys are constantly burying their faces in my cleavage.

 

Question #2:  Why does the show "Cops" always seem to be filmed in Florida? (Randi in Oregon)

Jenn B.:  Have you read any of my online dating articles?

Eric Prae:  We seem to have the perfect mixture of white trash, mouth breathers and wannabe gangsters here to keep the ratings perfectly high.  Not to mention, every other person has a mullet, and Florida is a state with a certain city called, "MIAMI."  I would like to see a point system added in for the police officers!  1 point for a take-down, 10 points for a cool car chase, 20 if they taser someone, etc.  Then the narrator could keep track of the points and declare a winner at the end.  Make it more like a game show.

 

Question #3:  What is your favorite sex position?  (Allie in Tampa)

Jenn B.:  I have chosen to save myself for the right man.  I was brought up correctly (you’re welcome Dad), and besides, a "lady" doesn't discuss this sort of thing…but if I weren't a lady, and I had to take a wild guess, I would have to say reverse cowgirl, with my feet on a wall for proper stability.  That's just something I heard somebody say once...as I was walking out of church.

Eric Prae:  The Superman!!!  Duh...Makes me feel like I can fly every time!  Oh, who am I kidding?  Anytime I get to put it near a woman is my favorite sexual position. 

 

Question #4:  Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?  (Paul in Michigan)

Jenn B.:  I’m not sure. Just ask Eric.  He is a "vegetarian" who eats chicken, fish, eggs, basically any cow product, and anything that is living or breathing.  But, he doesn’t eat red meat.  Not sure where animal crackers fit into all of that bullshit.  PETA is just banging down our door, asking Eric to be their new spokesman! 

 

Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Eric Prae:  So Jenn goes on a date on Friday night and surprisingly it was another total disaster.  It was an impromptu situation, as I clearly stated that we had only two objectives for the evening; boobs and booze.  Jenn is usually down for one, if not two, of those scenarios.  Apparently my charming disposition and amazingly good looks alone were not enough for Ms. Jenn, and she answered a request to get together with some guy at the last minute.  We met her date at the comedy club (yes I said we) after we each had 6 draft beers and the contents of 2 flasks at some shitty townie bar in Tampa.  Jenn wasted zero time getting the phone number of the bartender at this dive bar (I’m sure the article will be written soon).  We were in rare form.  Who brings their drunken roommate on a first date?  Team Struggle does.

In the middle of the headliner’s act, Jenn was nowhere to be found.  Her date very verbally expressed his frustration with her.  Did I care or notice?  Nope, I was drunk and trying to plow my way through the drink special for the night:  an entire bucket of beers.  I simply reassured Jenn's future ex-husband that she was giving some random stranger a hand job in the men’s room in trade for a shot of Jameson.  She will be finished soon, he needed to relax.  No big deal, we have had a lot to drink.

I excused myself and stumbled out into the lobby where the bathroom was, and I found Jenn “hitting on,” “working over,” or “conversing with” the other live comedian.  Do I tell her to get back inside?  Do I mention that her date for the evening was looking for her/fuming/on the verge of tears?  Nope.  I pull another flask out of my sock and the three of us drank Crown Royal, and Jenn and I made it a point to tell this "comedian" how much funnier and better at life in general we were. 

Our new friend asked us prodding questions like, "What kind of audience do you have?", and "How many readers do you average?"  I am pretty sure we came back with something genius along the lines of, "Well, my Dad reads my articles, and calls me to scream at me on a daily basis." and "I have about 450 women in Tampa who are hunting me down with intent to kill."  Does that answer your question, funny man?  At this point, Jenn and I thought we were a lot funnier than the people on stage getting $7 an hour to perform, and  we wanted to have our own show in the lobby bar.  This seemed totally appropriate to 2 completely inebriated comedy writers.  We actually put our cards up on THEIR merchandise table.

What seemed like hours later, Jenn’s date ended up finding us.  He didn’t seem happy, and Jenn didn't seem like she wanted to be "found."  I had forgotten his name, Jenn had forgotten his existence.  Let’s just say there won’t be a second date.  Thanks to him for buying the tickets!  We finished the flask and caught a ride home.  That is how Jenn treats a first date.  That is how we struggle!

Still can’t believe Jenn is single?
 

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