5 Questions for 7/26/10

Writing this on a Sunday where it is 106 degrees of scorched earth here in Tampa.  So f-ing hot out I smell like burnt ginger! My back sweat has back sweat.  Let’s do this.

Question #1:  Team Struggle, what was your beer of choice before the illustrious Bud Light Lime?  (Melissa in Tampa)

Eric Prae:  The Good Stuff:  I really like Circus Boy (THE Hefeweizen!) by Magic Hat.  The beer is tasty and it reminds me of all the times my mom said she was going to sell me to the circus. 

The Bad Stuff:  I also LOVE PBR!  I have a tradition with some “special” friends that every time we go to a certain bar in Ybor city and drink pitchers of PBR, one of us throws up.  The last time we tried this experiment my buddy Bryan was in town.  The whole group drank and drank and drank some more, all the while trying not to be the guy that would puke first.  As the bar was closing we grabbed our tabs and started to embrace failure when we noticed Bryan was missing.  He came out of the bathroom soaking wet from the sink with that I-Can’t-Believe-I-Just-Hurled face.  Tabs were reopened, and the celebration continued.  You can always count on PBR to make you puke.

Jenn B:  When my friends and I were too young to know what good beer was, we drank malt liquor.  It was called “St. Ides” I believe, but we referred to it as “STDs.”  Ironically, there was a point in my life where I couldn’t wait to get my hands on some STDs.  Times have changed, and my favorite beverage now is a brew from Belgium called Lindemans Lambic Framboise- I believe that is Belgish for “This $12 bottle of beer is too high class for Jenn to drink, so she should switch to PBR.”  But, I am not really sure.

 
Question #2:  Hey guys!  My buddy is getting married to another dude.  Do they both go to the same bachelor party?  (Thomas in Miami)

Jenn B:  No, no, and NO!  I am not an expert at the whole marriage/bachelor/bachelorette thing, although I plan to be after the 4+ parties/weddings that are most likely in my future.  But, what I do know is that these should be separate occasions.  Have you ever seen a gay lover’s quarrel?  Imagine one of those fueled by male strippers, tiaras, and feather boas.  I may have just described a bachelorette party, but same thing, right? 

PS… I am accepting applications for my new Gay Best Friend- Please email your qualifications to our website (Eric just doesn’t cut it anymore). 

 
Question #3:  I saw an article about Jennifer Love Hewitt and her love for Vajazzling.  What the f*** is wrong with her?  (Gregory in New York)

Eric Prae:  It’s good to know that when it comes to doing stupid things with the tools you have below your belt, women are finally catching up to men.  Ladies, we already like what you have, that’s why men spend every living second trying to figure out ways to get down there- legally.  If I start messing around with a girl and find a vajazzled va-jay-jay, I am thinking she is hiding something.  Why the distraction technique? 

Jenn B:  Well sir, I beg to differ with my fine red-headed friend, and you too, Gregory.  Yes, Jennifer Love Hewitt is a twit, but the whole Vag-Dazzling or whatever that is- that is GENIUS!  I think this is just a grown-ups version of Show-N-Tell.  Opens up a whole new world of pick-up lines for me…

“Hey, I am an artist.  Want to go back to my place and see me express myself?”-  BOOM!

Eric Prae:  No, no, no.  Ladies, you don’t need to dump glitter down your panties to turn us on.  Stop it.

 
Question #4:  I started dating a really hot guy and found out he is a MAJOR video game player.  I really like him.  He seems very normal in every other way.  What now?  (Kristin in Jacksonville)

Jenn B:  Break up.  Break up now.  The only video games that I deem acceptable are anything having to do with WII.  If he is playing something like World of Warcraft or anything sci-fi related- WATCH OUT!  Before you know it, he will be hinting at the fact that he wants you to dress up like a Klingon and play with his light-saber.

Actually, just last night, Eric and this guy I have been hanging out with were playing a game on the WII, and all I could think about was, “When is this shit going to end so he can play with me?” (And, I am not talking about video games)

I say- up, down, over, over, A/B, A/B,  break up.

Eric Prae:  More relationship advice!!!  Use your hotness to distract him from the television.  If boobs in his face doesn’t work then nothing will. 

 
Question #5:  For the fifth and final question we give you: The Struggle Moment of the Week!  Thanks to Sarah from NY for the original idea.

Jenn B.:  If you have been reading our articles then you might have caught wind of Eric’s deafness.  If you are cringing right now in anticipation of me making fun of someone with a disability, relax.  One of the reasons I truly love the red-headed weirdo is because he truly doesn’t give a shit.  He is always the first one to make fun of himself.  He’s not very self conscious about his hearing difficulties.

Saturday we were at the beach bar.  I noticed Eric wasn’t paying attention to the conversation.  Then I figured out why.  Eric wasn’t wearing his hearing aids and some stupid hippy band in the corner was way too loud.  No chance in hell he could hear anything.  Why wasn’t he just reading peoples lips like he usually does?  Because Eric and his friend Troy spent the last hour hiding from Troy’s wife and doing shots of vodka at the back bar.  They were both inebriated. 

Too loud for him to hear anything, too drunk to converse normally, Eric decided to talk to this cute girl that he played volleyball with earlier.  He yelled for her to come over.

Eric Prae:  LIZ! LIZZZZ!!! HEY LIZZ!!!

She doesn’t even look his way.  I am laughing hysterically at him.

Eric Prae:  LIZ! LIZZZZ!!! HEY LIZZ!!!

Jenn B.:  Hey retard, her god damn name is Lisa, that’s why she isn't responding to LIZZZZ!!!

Eric started laughing at himself and started walking back towards the back bar.

Eric Prae:  I need another shot, you want one, a-hole?

Jenn B.:  Yes.  Maybe LIZ! LIZZZZ!!! HEY LIZZ!!!  Wants one also!

That is how we struggle.
 
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